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February 11, 2011

Day 2 of 30: Make an exception for the exceptional Mr. A?

After work today, Mr. A met me at home and we took off to the gym. This is a rare occurrence, since I'm not one to work out in general (make that one heck of a pricey gym membership come to think of it) and he prefers to play tennis or do athletic things for fun.

"So you're asking daily again," he murmured on the drive down.

"Yes!"

"Why... daily?"

"It's time to get back to the basics. I just feel this is the right time, for some reason. For fun! For adventure!"

He laughed nervously.

And I understand why. For anyone who came to this blog after July 1 2009, if you haven't dug around much you should at least know now that Mr. A was an all star trooper. Whenever I confessed at 11:30 (p.m., that is) that I still had to ask, he jumped into the car with me and we headed somewhere, anywhere, askable. He's come along on detours and suggested asking techniques, he's been a sounding board and a partner in crime. And proofreader -- can't forget that. His friends used to keep up with the daily blog so they'd know what he was up to. Plus, on those desperate days when I really didn't know what to ask for, somehow Mr. A was always a prime target for some odd or spontaneous request. I'd get that glint in my eye and he knew to duck for cover.

In other words, when La Roxy announces that she's asking daily again, it kind of means that Mr. A is along for the ride... for better or worse ;)

Case in point:

We got to the gym, and I realized I left my access card on a different keychain. Also, Mr. A isn't a member, and we were prepared to pay the entrance fee when out of the blue I tried a different approach.

"Hi! I forgot my key thingie, so can I give you my name or ID?"

"You for got your key thingie!!" the guy behind the counter gasped.

"Yes! Sorry!"

"I don't think you can set foot in here without that. Kidding. What's your address?"

After he cleared me, I asked for one more little favor...

"Can I bring in a guest? He's not a member and we're not going to work out for long..."

"Normally it would be $15, but, since I'm at the end of my shift," he lowered his voice here, "go for it."

We waved goodbye and I had a good session on the elliptical, watching the situation unravel in Egypt on CNN.

Saved: $15.
Lost: 1 minute.


Afterthought:

So far, Days 1 and 2 aren't reaches. Nothing I wouldn't have asked for before. Nothing bold or inspiring. This last one wasn't even an explicit request: "Let him in for free?" But it was a suggestion, a hint, and it got the result I wanted. In any case, it's feeling great to stretch these muscles and remember what it's like to do it daily. I haven't hit my stride yet, but once I'm back in that mode, I'm so curious what each new day will bring...

image source: panik-design.com

February 10, 2011

Day 1 of 30: Made small talk with credit card rep. Result? Fee removed.

Before the call with Amex (goal: remove a mysterious service fee that has creeped onto the last few statements), I wrote down these six words on a blank page. Not sure that I needed a reminder, but it felt good to see them as I spoke:

what i want: remove all fees

I called and explained the situation. The agent asked if I had previously asked for it to be removed, and I said, "Something like that, since I never signed up for this service. So yes, it's there by mistake."

As he was looking up my account, there was a  pause in which he asked, "How is your day going?" Instead of the conventional "fine, thanks," I told him the truth: "I'm having an amazing day. I'm in California where it's warm and sunny, and I can't believe this is February. Where are you?" He answered Virginia, where it's 30 degrees. I apologized for gloating and told him I took a nice road trip through Virginia once. Then, he told me about the cruise to the Bahamas he just finished, and I congratulated him on his weather coping mechanism.

Then, action: "I have found your account. I do see this fee has been applied twice. Now this service is very useful, and I recommend you don't cancel."

"Thanks, but I'm not interested. I never sign up for 'extra coverage services' like that. It's not my style."

"Well, it's useful because in case of loss of income, or if you were to get injured or married or divorced, this will cover payments. We will actually reduce your balance by up to $500. I really recommend you think about leaving that on there."

I told him I don't need that kind of protection, because I can get free 'coverage' in an emergency from Mr. A or my parents... and then the ask:

"So I'm wondering if you could take me out of the program and even remove those two fees?" 

"Let me take a look here..."

"Of course. I know you aren't required to do that, and this kind of great customer service is why I decided to get an Amex card."

After a pause:

"I will be able to take care of this for you. And thank you for letting me give you more details about that  protection service." He said he'll put a note in my record to make sure the service ends and no new fees get applied in the interim.

"Thank you!"

"That's what we're here for. To take care of you guys. Thank you for being a valued American Express customer."


Thanks for making me feel valued, Amex!


Closing reflections:

1. His question, "How's your day going?" wasn't just small talk. He was testing my mood. Was I angry with Amex? Curt? Would I be nice to deal with or use half an hour of the supervisor's time? 


2. This wasn't a very challenging request, but it still could have gone either way. (Unless Amex is really gentle on fees -- I don't know their policies that well.) I do think that establishing rapport with the agent from the first minute or two set the tone of our whole conversation. Plus, that opening back and forth SO beat 40 seconds of silence or worse, hold music.

3. When he thanked me for listening to his brief spiel, this showed that his real objective was to share that info and try to convince me to stay. If I hadn't listened or been rough, he might have said, "Eff you too," and not canceled anything. This way, we both got what we wanted.

Gained: $24.60 and knocked something off my to do list
Lost: 10 minutes
Question: Have you been successful at knocking off a fee? What strategies did you use?

Day 1 of 30: Here we go. Credit card company, cancel this random fee?

The problem with deciding to ask daily around 11:30 p.m. is that it limits your options. Then I spent an hour and a half waiting before I hit publish, just to make sure I was going to do it.  Now it's 1 a.m. and I feel I should ask before I go to sleep, or it will all be very anticlimactic.


Fortunately, that's where my previous procrastination pays off. I signed up for a credit card a few months ago, and it claimed it has no fee. But every month, an "account security fee" has appeared.

For weeks, Mr. A and I have bounced around this privilege.

"Are you going to call and deal with this?"

"Sure."

Later:

"I didn't have time."

"I'll call."

"No, I will."

Later:

"Have you called?"

"I've been busy!"

"I'll do it."

Well thank you, random impulsive noctural decision. Time to take care of business. AmEx, here I come.

image source: benjii.me

Am I really signing up for this again??

Yesterday I sat in on a conference call with the founders of She Negotiates, that incredibly useful seminar I have previously blogged about. At one point the conversation turned to asking as an initial step of negotiation.

Another participant on the call, who like me was there to sharpen her negotiation skills, confessed that she has always been nervous to ask. Won't people view her negatively? Won't she appear as cheap (for asking to pay less money) or arrogant/aggressive (if asking to earn more money)?

Then several women chimed in to say they don't ask because either it never occurs to them, or they're scared of the impression they'll make.

This was a reminder for me. When I finished my daily asking experiment, I felt fearless. I had asked strangers to eat food off their plate, I'd asked for amazing discounts and saved thousands of dollars. I'd asked for fun things and practical things, for selfish and selfless things. Asking led me to people and places, feelings and experiences, I never imagined I'd encounter. I felt like I could ask for the moon and have a 73 percent chance of getting it! (Since that was my success rate at the end of the year.)

But I wasn't always like that. Before July 1, 2008, I was worried about bothering people, imposing, coming across as crazy or lazy or rude. And lately, I've been getting back into old habits. I've been hiding behind the comfort of a tight schedule and the belief that I'm being more 'strategic' about my requests: only asking with a big payoff and/or low effort for this busy lady, thank you very much. I've been telling myself, "Nah. 10% off is  not worth it." "I did that daily asking thing in 2008. Nothing to prove now." "Who has time to ask for that?" "I am asking daily, just for smaller, simpler things," And worst of all, "What's the point?" 

Today I certainly am negotiating the big ticket items -- work, purchases, wedding transactions. But I fear I've been losing some of the spontaneity... gutsiness... those amazing rewards that emerge when you're looking for opportunities everywhere and all the time.

And yesterday's conversation was a reminder.

About the point.

I remembered that for thousands or maybe millions of women out there, asking is not something that routinely occurs to them. You can ask for a random discount at Best Buy? Get your bank to reverse a fee, just like that? You can get upgraded on a rental car or spend the day with your favorite chef? Get your HR department to give you half-off tickets to Disneyland for your in-laws, even if that's not listed on the company intranet? JUST BY ASKING??

For just as many women, if not more, asking is a one-way road to humiliation. It leads to closed doors and harsh judgements. And, most frightening of all, failure.

So not asking, and keeping quiet, seems easier because the possibility of success stays with you, like a faithful labradoodle. Let's call her Illusion.

"Shouldn't I be earning $50k?" you muse. And Illusion, curled up on your lap, licks your knuckles and yaps back, "That's definitely a possibility! But don't ask your supervisor now, since they just laid off 20 percent of the staff. And your master's degree wasn't in the field they listed on the job description, which they rubbed in when they hired you. I mean, you should totally ask for a raise, but wait for the evaluation and then make sure it's more than inflation. You don't want to get fired or make any enemies, but you're definitely entitled to more. Actually, you're overdue for a promotion! Kyle knows you pulled all that extra weight and you should be first in line. So sit tight for now, and if nothing happens in six months, we'll reevaluate."

So you don't ask, not yet at least, and you keep caressing that puppy and wondering why you're not satisfied at work. Wondering what Roger is earning, and how Maisie is paying for that trip to Istanbul. Instead of throwing Illusion out the window (sorry PETA) and screaming "I deserve better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wow.

That would suck, wouldn't it?

The point is that asking isn't just easy once you get some practice. It's essential and indispensable.

Oh my god. I think I just realized what I need to do.

Starting today I'm going to ask daily again, for a month.

I feel it within me... the asking urge...

Let's consider this an exercise.

Does The Daily Asker still got game?

I had no idea I'd be typing these words when I started this blog post!! I thought I'd write something about the conference call, and how it reminded me that I was once afraid to ask. Yada yada. But then I've rarely been one to plan ahead. And if I ever actually thought about the crazy things that would happen by committing  to a year of daily asking, I might have never done it.

Now I know I need to do this. For everyone reading this blog, man or woman, who has considered asking but hesitated.

I am like you. Simply living my life. Thinking about my options. Wondering how things could be better. Until recently, I was grad student. I grew up in California and lived in Boston for 7 years. I have a beat up old car. I am am very particular about my cappuccino foam and I have freckles. I do not have an MBA.

I'm going to ask again, daily, just for a while, so we can get back into this asking thing, together. It's not a year, I know... but enough to help me get back in the swing. And remind you that asking is doable and so worthwhile. You just have to stop analyzing and embrace it. Enough theory. Enough salary discussions and small business posts (though those are fun, and I'll come back to them after this month!).

That's that. It is written.

I will ask for a month and report back daily. For you, my gentle reader. And for myself.

February 09, 2011

How to save a third of your income and still have FUN: Expert Q&A

Chances are you've already come across Kimberly Palmer's blog, Alpha Consumer, which is full of fresh and practical advice. Or maybe you've seen or read new her book, Generation Earn, which just made the top five in Mint.com's financial literacy reading listSo you can imagine how thrilled I was that she agreed to answer my questions about her project and her philosophy, and even ask me a few questions back!

In our email exchange we discovered we're similarly obsessed with helping others re-envision their relationship with money. We're both members of Gen Y and both have spent more than 23 days in Washington D.C. (She live there, and I've passed through on occasion.) Unlike me, she seems incredibly disciplined and managed to buy a condo thanks to her frugality. I've learned a lot from her, and I'm pleased to share her answers, below.


Expert: Kimberly Palmer
Twitter bio:  Gen Y personal finance expert, author, and personal finance columnist for U.S. News & World Report 
Check out: "Recession Lessons from Gen Y" via Alpha Consumer.
Exciting: She was recently profiled and interviewed by Fox Business.
Why she rocks: She isn't just giving young people tools for financial responsibility: She's a living, breathing example that her ideas are doable: even the biggest one, saving a third of your annual income, is a goal she preaches after a year of practice.

When I hear you put aside third of your income, I freak out. It seems like so much! But then when I read about the life you were leading, it seemed totally doable. You didn't fall apart, you didn't sit on the carpet eating ramen and staring at the walls. Here's my question: When you started out, did you fear it would be impossible? How did you mentally and emotionally prep yourself for the changes you were about to make?

We actually never sat down and said, “Let’s start saving one-third of our income,” we just decided to be more frugal – and actually, both my husband and I were pretty frugal to begin with, so it wasn’t a major change. We just knew that if we wanted to have any kind of financial security – save for a home, for retirement, for a family – then we had to put away a significant amount of cash. We did it by making some pretty big lifestyle decisions, including staying on a small, one-bedroom apartment until our baby was three months old, which meant we could avoid car use, too. We also kept our food budget pretty low by cooking relatively inexpensive, mainly vegetarian meals. Focusing on those big three costs – housing, food, and transportation – was the key.

But I should also add that saving one-third is pretty much impossible at certain times of your life, especially after big changes – a recent graduation, new baby, or new house. In the past year, we had a baby and also bought a house. That caused a big shock to our savings rate and we haven’t yet recovered  – although we are trying!


What was the biggest sacrifice you made?

Housing. In our tiny apartment, we would watch HGTV and lust after the nice homes. We could have afforded a nicer apartment or a two-bedroom, but we resisted, and eventually we saved enough money for a down payment on our current house.  

Were there any moments of temptation? How did you deal with that?

Not really, because we pretty much adjusted to our frugal lifestyle, so we didn’t miss anything. Well, maybe when we visited a friend’s nice home we would be momentarily envious. But we did indulge in some small things, like a nice flat-screen television, and expensive craft beer, so it’s not like we were living a Spartan lifestyle.

What part, if any, did asking/negotiation play in cutting costs?

Huge! I have to give my husband credit for this because he is the master of negotiating, although I am getting better myself. We ended up getting access to a beautiful hotel pool near our apartment all summer long for almost no money just because he asked for cheap passes. We also had success negotiating hotels for getaways and smaller retail purchases. Those little savings add up.
  
I understand it took some experimenting to find the best ways to save. Can you tell me about two or three different approaches you took, and why each was (or wasn't) effective?

There were a few times when we said, “Let’s cut out restaurant meals, because that is such a drain on our budget.” But it never stuck. We always ended up going back to our favorite place on Friday nights. And you know, that is okay. We needed some reward for our hard work. So for us, cutting out restaurant meals altogether wasn’t the way to go.
  
How much of this goal required you to disconnect from societal pressures and expectations about "what one should buy/own" and just do what you felt was right?

We actually found that almost all our friends were also trying to be more frugal, so after we explained to them our plan to save more, it wasn’t hard to get them on board. It turns out a lot of people would rather skip the expensive social plans, too. There are cheaper ways to hang out and have fun, like taking turns hosting dinner parties. Because so many people our age also care about saving, I never really felt that “keeping up with the Jones” pressure.
    
What's the path of least resistance -- i.e. the easiest way to boost savings?

You have to find the strategy that works best with your lifestyle, which requires some introspection. If you love fashion, don’t cut your clothing budget. Cut your food and housing budget instead. Your spending has to be aligned with your passions or it will never stick.

Any "golden rules" of saving -- a must do for anyone, regardless of age, income bracket, location, family situation, employment status?

My favorite is pretty basic: You have to spend less than you earn. It can be pretty profound once you really think about it though. For people used to using credit cards, it requires a mindset adjustment.


How are you different today?

I have so many more financial responsibilities that it’s harder than ever to save and be frugal! The biggest, of course, is my baby.  I spend so much on her, partly because I’m a new mom and still experimenting with what I need and what I don’t need, and also because I think it is a natural reaction of parents to want to spoil their children! I can’t help it, I want to buy her the best of everything.


If any readers decide to try saving a third of their income, or a version of it, can you point them to some resources -- either blog posts or, ahem, your book -- so they can get some more guidance?

In Generation Earn, I focused on how to zone in on goals so you can be smart about spending and lifestyle choices and save a significant amount of your income. The most successful savers profiled in my book are ones who started small, by saving even just $10 a week, and then slowly ramping that up, because it’s partly about establishing a habit. That’s why I also recommend budgeting tools like Mint.com, so you can start slowly and work towards your bigger goals.

image source: courtesy of Kimberly Palmer

February 04, 2011

Bake bread? Who was I kidding?


I'm so behind!! On posts, on emails, on sending those pictures I promised (lo siento, amigos), and writing those thank you notes and sending someone congratulatory flowers. On everything but sleep, actually.

What gave me the idea that life after grad school would be simpler? That I'd have time to bake bread!?

I did make time, a few days ago, to do a little housekeeping on this blog. I added a stream of news on the right sidebar, with links to the latest articles and external blog posts about asking and negotiation. That way, if I'm slow to update (GULP) at least there is always fresh quality content on this blog. Here's a great piece the news stream bubbled forth about 6 things you should always negotiate (and how).

Second, I added a list of books, on the left. I get a small cut from Amazon if you buy them, and I decided to put them front and center because while I'm not doing this for the money, having a steady revenue stream from ads would make it easier to justify blogging here, versus doing activities that actually pay my bills.

So if you get any value or pleasure from reading The Daily Asker -- and if you happen to want to buy Women Don't Ask or the ABC's of Conflict Resolution or any books about freelancing or salary negotiations -- then shopping from the sidebar or from here will help you put some pep to my step. Likewise, if you happen to put a book in your cart, and the stay signed in while shopping for other products (whether or not you remove that book from your cart), that would also produce a small cut for yours truly, at no cost to you. Just asking. ;)

And to those who have bought books through my Amazon store so far, THANK YOU! I truly appreciate it.

Also on the housekeeping front: I have a treat planned for early next week: an Expert Q & A with someone really cool. Someone I admire. That's all I'm saying. Meanwhile, I'm hoping to get in a post or two about wedding planning negotiations, write something soon for the Forbes "She Negotiates" blog, and update you on a few less financial/career oriented askings.

What about you? What's new with you, how are your blogs and projects and writings and ambitions and askings coming along?

xo,

Roxana





Image source: ifood.tv

February 03, 2011

The golden rule of effective negotiations


Really sexy blog post title, right? Back when I was asking daily, the post titles had to do with the things I was requesting day in and day out. Can I ride your segway scooter? Can I try your onion ring?

These days, posts are a bit more practical, but no less exhilarating. Take this example:

A few weeks after I learned about how hard it is to price services when you're a freelancer or independent contractor, I got a chance to redeem myself. This time around it was with a new client for a kind of job I'd done many times before. But there were still some challenges in figuring out the project fee:

1) I wasn't sure what the client's budget was, and this matters since I liked the work, I liked the supervisor and if we found a mutually agreeable rate, I wanted this to be a long term relationship.

2) I'd done that kind of work before in house, but never as a contractor.

3) We talked about money before I started the job but didn't come to an explicit agreement by the time I finished. This was totally 'my bad.' The employer said, "What should I pay you?" and I said I'll give an estimate, but instead I jumped in, exhilarated to get started and curious how this assignment would evolve. And then, before you could say "sign on the dotted line" the project was done. Boom. And I realized we never agreed on a fee. Ak.

Here's how I went about making the best of this situation.

1) To cover my bases, I did something I've never done before: I called people and flat out asked what they pay for that kind of work.

I didn't give away the name of the employer, but I described what I was doing and what my background is (in-house, now freelance, x-hour project with y results). And then I asked, "What do you pay for this kind of work?" They were friendly. Forthright. Insightful and nuanced. ("Depends on if it's a public or private employer." "What city are you in, if you don't mind saying?" "Tell me more about the tasks you did on a daily basis.") Almost like they get that kind of question twice a week. I couldn't believe it. I emerged with a range, and I had a target place in that range.

2) With this info, I felt very comfortable approaching my client. I apologized for not finalizing money before the work got started and said I'm sure we'll come to an easy agreement. The client asked what I wanted, I summarized what I did, about how long it took me and what the results were, and countered with, "What do you think is reasonable?" The client told me a figure. It was perfect. And by perfect, I mean exactly what I was hoping for.
 
The golden rule

Now that I think about it, there's one more step I took that ensure this transaction ended happily. It's more important than anything else I did in this case, and a completely lucky break. 

Long before talking or thinking about the work involved or the compensation, I made one right move: I chose a client who was honorable and trustworthy. Maybe this seems like obvious good move to you, gentle reader, and in retrospect it's a huge DUH, but trust me: as I've been evaluating clients, wondering which projects to take, I haven't been asking, "How likely is this person or firm to want to pay me fairly?"

After this experience, I've decided I'm going to ask that, of myself, before any discussions of rates or terms. It won't make or break a deal, but I hope that hunch will help guide me (with a dose of skepticism and an open mind, of course).

In this case, the client made it clear from the start that my work will be valued, and I didn't have a moment of doubt that I would be compensated adequately. If you start with that assurance, there's little that can go wrong.

Even in situations when you don't have that assurance -- and let's face it, in most situations you truly do not -- you can ask yourself "How would this negotiation end, in a perfect world?" and work toward that. Think about more than money, and if you want a long term relationship, aim for an outcome that works for both parties.

As for more antagonistic situations, like the dog eats dog world of projects and bidding and demanding clients and underselling competitors... well that's something I'm sure I'll experience as my business grows. For now I am thrilled to be working clients who, for the most part, fall in the former category -- honorable, worthy of respect and who respect my time and talent -- and I look forward to serving them in the future.

I leave you with a resource, a thought and a question:

For further reading:

When to make the first offer in negotiations, from Harvard Business School

A reflection: 

Maybe I should have countered and asked for more, on principle. I am The Daily Asker, right? I decided not to, for two reasons. If they paid me my target right off the bat, the amount I could have reasonably raised it -- say 10 or 15 percent -- by countering would have been trivial for a short term job and left a bad aftertaste (or so I felt). I felt they put their best offer on the table, and I wanted to reward that rather than quibble over a few dollars per hour. Second, I already sensed we'd be collaborating again, and each contract is subject to a new discussion.

Question:

Would a man have counter-offered? They say "Women Don't Ask" and men are aggressive about getting the best possible salary. I'd love to hear from male readers (or women who set salaries for male employees): What would a dude have done?

image source: http://jeancaton.net/coaching/