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January 03, 2009

Surrogate Vacationer for Hire!

January 3. Day 187.

On a scale of 1 to 10 (where 1 is being asked for your life savings and forking them over so your greatest nemesis can buy a bejeweled Vaseline container, and 10 is asking for whatever you most want in the universe and miraculously getting it), today was a 5.

I hardly gave, hardly got. Barely, barely asked. Ended up right down the middle. Some days are just like that.

I did get something without asking -- free jazz club access, since neither Mr. A nor I had cash for the cover charge. The bouncer let us through, and I never had to coax or cajole. So that doesn't count.

But before the show, I asked the hostess at a busy restaurant if we could wait inside -- where there was very little room and it was probably inconvenient for her -- instead of outside, while she got our table ready. Because it was cold!

"Watch, that's going to be what I asked for today. A total non-asking," I joked with Mr. A. "Nah, no worries, I'll come up with something better after dinner..."

And yet, there's nothing else little miss cocky requested, all day. Aimed low and got it.


I did, however, do a bit of dreaming today. In preparation for my upcoming job hunt, I drafted this advertisement:

Surrogate Vacationer for Hire

Are you overwhelmed with work? So exhausted you really need a vacation, but just can’t get away? Worried your holiday leave or sabbatical will expire soon?

Let me help!

As a certified Surrogate Vacationer, I do the traveling for you. My services include trip planning, execution and follow up. Here are a few popular packages, or contact me to customize your own!

* Solo traveler – There's nothing like taking the time to indulge yourself. I will create an entertaining video of myself doing your favorite activities, keep a daily travel journal with at least one epiphany, send witty postcards to friends and family, and buy souvenirs according to your specifications. Casual drunken encounters with stunning strangers included at no additional cost.

* Family traveler – Is your daughter’s polo tournament across the globe? Does the annual trip with the kiddies to Euro Disney clash with that boardmeeting? This package lets you be in two places at once! Unlimited retouched photographs put your face right where the action was. Who will know the difference in 20 years?

* Voluntourist – Improve your karma from the comforts of home! I will feed orphans, administer flu shots or teach computer skills at the troubled destination of your choice. Always in your name, of course!

* "Wouldn’t Miss It" – Funeral? Boss’s son’s graduation? Annoying cousin’s wedding? If you “wouldn’t miss it” – but can’t make it – don’t sweat it! I will hand write your card, bring a thoughtful gift and hostess present (when applicable), and make a toast for you.

* Wanderlust/Gap year - Not sure what you want, but certain you want to get away? Hoping to find yourself? Allow me! I will rove the globe, taking root for up to six weeks in various enchanting locales, and then pick up and move again. Along the way, I'll take notes and save my receipts, so you can pitch your memoir or movie script to an agent.

* Class and club reunions are my specialty!

Satisfaction is guaranteed. Get in touch now, as spots are going fast. Mention this ad for a special promotional rate.

Feel free to spread the word, gentle reader, to any overworked jet-setters you may know.

La Roxy
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