Teach me about Italian wines?

March 7. Day 250.

I've gotten into this cycle where I'm writing three or four blog posts at once. Not sure how I feel about it as a writer, but how do you feel about it as a reader? Comments are welcome, on this or anything else regarding the delivery of this project. Or not regarding it. I always love hearing from you, gentle reader! In email, or right in the post. Sometime it takes me a day or two (or three) to reply, but I read every word and love writing back, too.

Allora. From Tuesday, Saturday seems like a speck in the rearview mirror. Saturday... what happened Saturday? Let me dig out my retroscope to get a better look. Focusing... focusing... ah, yes.

Saturday was lame. Lame from an asking standpoint, that is. Wonderful from every other standpoint.

I went to a cafe, sat at the counter and talked to the owner/barista. I noticed a sign on the window stated the cafe is applying for a liquor license, so I wished him luck. He replied that they'd serve only beer and wine (Italian wine, since it's an Italian cafe), and I confessed I know very little about it.

Then, I asked if he'd mind teaching me one day.

He agreed.

Gained: A tentative meeting to learn to differentiate Barolo from Barbaresco. Not the most out-there of requests, but something to look forward to nonetheless.

Can I see your cover letter?

March 6. Day 249.

I stopped by my aunt's house today to pick up some tickets for a performance tonight she can't attend -- a night of Mendelssohn at my favorite cathedral this side of the Atlantic.

As I drove away, a strange rumbling sound came from under the car.

I had a flat tire.

I called Mr. A to check if it's safe to drive, even a few blocks, since there's a gas/service station about half a mile away. He told me to stay put and -- my heart is still fluttering -- he came over from work, just before a 2 p.m. meeting, and changed my tire. Then he took my clunker back to work and gave me his safe car so I could run some errands.

Mersi!!! ;)

When I got home, I began researching tire coupons --> tire sizes --> outlet tire retailers. I called one company and asked point blank if they could make me a great deal, and the man said to call him back since he was with customers. But he seemed willing to negotiate. Good start.

Next, I wondered, "Do I really want to spend $120 on tires for a car I'll dump in no time? What about making a move and buying something?" (Background info: my car has been on the fritz for a few months, and various interventions + luck have kept it going. But unsafely. At this point, it has a big bold DNR sticker on it. An invisible one, but still size 24, Rockwell, bold.)

So I searched for: cars on craigslist of various years, makes models --> cars on other websites --> online promos at san diego dealerships. snorted. what promos? no wonder people aren't buying when $10-off counts as a promo. onward.

Next, I wondered, "Shouldn't I be looking for negotiation tactics and info about how buying a car works, and not just cars?"

So I searched for: car buying tactics --> how to get best deal on a used car --> tips and tricks at the auto dealerships --> car loans at san diego banks --> car budget calculators.

Next, I wondered, "Can I really sign up to buy a car worth a penny more than my savings if I don't have a job come June?"

So I searched for: jobs --> careerbuilder --> craigslist jobs --> san diego jobs --> and so on -->

Which leads me to today's actual question: Can I see your cover letter?

I emailed a few friends and asked if they don't mind sharing their letters.

Who knew a flat tire would jump start my career search?

Gained: TBD

The strange case of the secret eater

March 5. Day 248.

Another day of asking just to ask. Some days I shoot for the moon, and others, I reach for the filth between my toes and stop stretching because my lower back hurts...

I was sitting in Starbucks, writing. My neighbor was grading papers. I asked, "Are you grading papers?"

He replied yes. We talked about his papers. We talked about grading. And then we stopped talking.

Ok. Fine. It was lame. I didn't buy anything but some avocados and tomatoes at the supermarket. Oh, and I had lunch at the divine Burger Lounge and asked the waiter for ketchup. I didn't plan my career or embark on a funky new adventure.

I had a macchiato and made small talk. Some days, that's precisely what's needed.

Gained: Human interaction during a long stretch of work.

But wait? What's this? A second asking, creeping up out of the shadows?

Could it be?!

After dinner, Mr. A and I went for a walk. Our conversation rolled around to dessert. We were craving ice cream, but every restaurant around the neighborhood was closed.

"We have some strawberry ice cream in the freezer," he pointed out, relieved.

"We do?" I asked, nervously.

"Yeah, I found it in the back, stuffed into a plastic bag. So we're saved."

He was beaming. I was... not. He found my stash! My secret ice cream stash! The stuff I keep in the back of the freezer for emergencies, hidden in a nondescript bag so no one else will be tempted... because anything left in front of the freezer disappears about 12 hours after we buy it. Last time I bought a pint of Haagen Daaz strawberry, which Mr. A insists he doesn't like, I found the container empty -- still in the freezer. Taunting me. So the next pint of strawberry, I hid. For later. For seeecret eeeating.

Of course, I should have known he would find it... since besides being a talented technical type and an excellent dancer, he also has these foraging skills that are fine tuned for sweets and chocolates. When we travel, he finds exotic candies and pastries. At home, no chip is left unchomped.

So I explained why the ice cream "just happened" to be in a plastic bag shoved in the darkest corner of the freezer, behind the okra. And then I asked, "Could we stop by AM/PM and pick up something else? I'm kind of... saving that... for later."

Gained: A fresh pint of Ben and Jerry's Vanilla Caramel Fudge.

Can I make a suggestion?

March 4. Day 247.

I wrote a slightly tongue in cheek email to the Google Books crew with a suggestion:

Hello,

Being omniscient and amazing Google, you're probably already working on this, but just in case you're not: how about adding a "Create Bibliography" button to people's libraries?

I'm using Google Books to research my dissertation, and adding new titles to my library every day; being able to convert them into a bibliography in 30 seconds or so would be AMAZING!!!!!!

Extra points if you can get it up and running by the time I assemble my final draft in 3 months.

Thanks,
La Roxy

A few minutes later, I got back a form letter.

Hello,

Thank you for your message. I see that you'd like us to add a feature
which would allow you to easily manage your bibliographic data. I've
forwarded this suggestion along to the rest of the team for review.

I appreciate your taking the time to offer us this feedback and encourage
you to continue to let us know how we can improve Google Book Search. As
this is still a young program, new features are under consideration and
your feedback is very helpful.

Sincerely,

The Google Book Search Team

Gained: Nothing for me, but maybe a better tool for future generations.

And the third gardener wins!!!

March 3. Day 246.

For a few weeks, I've been looking for a gardener. I've made some calls, met two people last week and was about to go for option B, when option C came to my door: A flier from a competitor.

Thought this isn't a "classical asking" -- I didn't negotiate a thing -- I am including it here because if I went with the first option, or didn't persevere in finding a good deal, I'd be paying more now. Instead, he came by and gave me an estimate which was a lot more affordable.

Gained I: $10 up front and $5/month. Total saved in a year by persevering, though not negotiating: $70. All for about 5 minutes of effort. And some patience.

PS: I didn't call the IKEA customer service people-- I like what I bought. I'll still shop there, but be on my guard...

IKEA receipt? And fix my umbrella?

March 2. Day 245.

I'm behind on the updates, which is actually a good thing -- means I've been working on my diss all week and it's coming together!

Monday night, I headed to IKEA to return a dish rack, and I bought a few items (a different dish rack, a mini shelf and a magnetic knife bar). I went to auto-checkout, since the lines were endless everywhere else. The attendant there seemed ill. She was dazed, slouching, watery eyes, unresponsive... I hope it wasn't contagious. A few times I asked for help (since those machines are slow, they get blocked, need an authorization code), and finally I finished and left.

Ten minutes later, I realized the machine never spit out a receipt -- or if it did, that happened after I left. So I called IKEA to see what we could do. "Could I come by tomorrow to get a receipt?"

"I'm sorry, but we can't give a duplicate receipt."

"Well, there isn't an initial receipt."

"I'm sorry that happened."

"What about my credit card-- could you use that in case I need to return them?"

"No. Only the original receipt."

"Do you mean to tell me that when IKEAS's machine delays emitting a receipt, and IKEA's attendant is too sick or high to attend to her customers, then the customer is stuck with IKEA's faulty or unwanted merchandise?"

"Yes. That's our policy."

"Can I quote you on that? Even when I asked your employee for help twice, and the third time I called her over she completely ignored me and I gave up? Should I talk to her manager? Get her in trouble or fired? I don't want to do that. We all have bad days. But I want a receipt."

"I'm sorry that happened to you." Stone cold.

"Well," I said, slowly and calmly. "Let me tell you my policy. My policy is that I don't go to the media when I have a problem. But I happen to be a consumer blogger with a very wide reaching audience, and contacts who work for a mix of papers, and if you don't reconsider your policy, then I will reconsider mine. I will write about you, I will talk to CNN, I will tap into consumer advocacy groups, and go as far up the IKEA echelons as necessary... Maybe we'll get lucky and I won't want to return anything. But what if I'm not satisfied? How will we resolve this?"

Her voice changed. She gave me the number of her manager, gave me her full name, and told me to call back in the morning.

"I can't do anything for you here, but if you talk to them, I don't know, maybe they can help."

(Yes, I played the blogger card, but it was more of an experiment -- I've never done it before and I'll never do it again, but I was curious: would I have the guts to make a threat? and would it open doors? Apparently, I did -- and it did. If I was just Average Jane calling with a complaint, I probably would have been kicked to the curb. Yuck.)

Gained: Contact info.... and rising disgust with IKEA. Meanwhile, I see a slew of complaints here and here. Until today, I thought they were the good guy. Rather overpriced given they sell particle board, but cute designs and a good mission -- bring style to every day homes. Not anymore.

Yes. They have the right to institute whatever policy they want, as long as it's legal. And I have the right to make a big fuss about it. Yay, First amendment!

My second asking (which came earlier in the day, but I want to end on a high note):

Months ago, when La Divina was visiting, I took her to a great Asian overstock store -- a total hole in the wall -- and we spotted two paper umbrellas. We both wanted to affix them to our ceiling lights somehow, ideally by cutting the handles and hanging the open umbrellas from the screws where the bulb goes.

She took an umbrella with her to Milano, and I've been here, trying to find a saw, or buy one, or borrow one. Since January.

"Why don't you go to Home Depot ask? 'Oh, Mister hardware expert, could you help me out?' " Mr. A asked, batting his eyelashes. He has a point. Using womanly wiles to get what I want? Why not?!

But before I made it to Home Depot, a better opportunity presented itself... for a contractor from Maintenance Magic came by to fix those outlets and screens at long last.

I asked if he had a saw I could borrow, and he said yes. Then, he ended up helping me saw it, since it was too unstable for one person to hold onto.

Gained II: A spiffy new lampshade! It looks kind of like this, but not so ornate, and it has cherry blossoms and a birdie painted on it.

Hmm... what could I do with $2,300?

March 1. Day 244.

I've updated my excel spreadsheet, where I keep track of the financial gains of this project, and here's the latest figure.
Since starting last July, I've saved or gained almost

$2,300!!!

That's the total of all the goods, services and cash I've either saved or received by asking. Free cookie? $2. A bookstore discount? $50. Free round-trip airfare? $500 or so.

I will let you in on a little secret... that's more than my monthly fellowship stipend check. So by asking, I have effectively given myself a 10 percent raise, secured a month off of work with pay, or set aside enough money for a car down payment.

What else could I do? I quickly checked online and found these options:

--Help pay off Hillary Clinton's campaign debt. (That's how much Obama gave her, fyi.)
--Rent an apartment for a month in LA's Miracle Mile.
--Purchase a 1989 Chevy mini-truck.
--Pepper myself and 9 friends with suede handbags.
--Endure five days of golf for 2 in Costa Rica.
--Sip a lifetime supply of caramel tea from Mariage Freres

Yum.

***

If you've been following this project for some time, you've noticed, better than I perhaps, that the focus changes ever so often. Money, adventures, people, maximizing gains, minimizing losses, and so on. Sometimes I get reproaches -- "It's not about money anymore -- why?" or "Why are you so focused on finances?" To be frank, it's not like I get up in the morning and decide, "From now on I will seek Craigslist discounts," or "This week I will only ask about food." More like... my overall focus changes, my daily preoccupations change, and I ask accordingly.

As I approach the finish line, this project will be shifting yet again.

Yes, I'm closing in on the last 100 days of daily asking, which coincides with the end of grad school and the start of my job hunt. Even if I don't finish the dissertation by June (which is very likely, since even if I almost have a whole draft there's a lot left to do: revisions, front and back of the book stuff... proofing, checking... more revisions... ak), I already need to start sending out feelers for jobs. And resumes.

Coincidentally, I've received Ask for It, by the authors of Women Don't Ask, in the mail. This book has concrete strategies for better negotiation. I can't wait to dig in and test out the theories and suggestions -- and post the results here.

So from here on out, I'll probably be asking more about careers, contacts and opportunities, and less about freebies and shopportunities. It's also possible that on the contrary, I'll be so stressed and busy with finishing this dissertation that the only thing I'll ask for is a crazy break from it all. Free facial? Discounted vacation to Paris? Could I ride your llama?

The only way to find out is to stay tuned... ;)

As for what I asked today: I am hereby giving myself a break. One day out of 365. I am not asking. I'm not negotiating. I'm taking this day to enjoy where I've arrived, and figure out where I'm going. Hope you'll join me!

xo,
La Roxy