How I almost spent too much on a car I didn't want

I write to you as the proud owner of a...

1995 Nissan Maxima.

That's right. After a day of test drives and dealer chats, and several weeks of research and calculations, I drove away last Saturday from a Toyota dealership with my old car... and a big load off my shoulders. I started the day sure I'd buy a car, or at least come very close. What went wrong? It was a combination of 3 things:

1. I didn't get the price I wanted.

2. I didn't get the price I wanted.

3. I didn't get the price I wanted.

Mr. A and I visited four dealerships, test driving and talking numbers: Hyndai, Honda, VW and Toyota. Some salesmen were eager to negotiate, and others were as starchy as their shirt collars. The day ended in a Toyota showroom, where negotiations broke down over a big comfy Camry and we were invited into the sales manager's office for one last attempt.

"So you've been here for HOURS, TRYING to buy a car," the manager said, like the high school principal who pops in on detention challenging his problem students to behave. Drained, disgusted, but institutionally trained to persevere.

"Oh, and here I thought you were trying to sell us a car," Mr. A answered. Good one, amore!

"I see there's a difference of (he looked down, calculating)... of $500 between the figure you wrote down and what we're asking. Over the life of the car, that's $7 per month. Now you're a coffee drinker, right?"

"I am," I answered.

"So give up two lattes a month! You want to walk away over $7! That's NOTHING!"

"If it's nothing, why don't you go for the price we wrote here?" I asked, pointing to the figure.

"I'm giving you a great deal here."

"Not good enough."

"I'm not going any lower. That's my final offer."

Thoughts raced. Should I go for it? Was it a good price? It was so close to the price I told them I wanted. But it didn't feel right. Was I wrong? We'd gotten them to drop from $23,500 to $19,500. But the car had some features I didn't want, which I'd still be paying for. And it was a 2011 model, which I was confident another dealer would be willing to offload for less as next year's cars arrive. And, between you and me, I wasn't really into that car. Not enough to deserve spluring.

"Thanks but no thanks."

We walked out and I suddenly felt liberated. I had come this close to buying a car with features I didn't want for more than I wanted to spend.

Five minutes later, he called back offering to lower the price by $250. I passed.

In the next post, a few reflections, resources and suggestions.

Attention, Telemarketers! Want to call me during dinner? That'll be $50, please

I have a new post up -- over at Forbes! It's about an insolent car dealership and the best solution I had for dealing with their rudeness: a creative sort of asking.... check it out here!

When I last wrote here, many moons ago, I had so much work I needed to cut drastically back on everything else. I didn't decide to take a break. I just stopped, thinking I'd catch up again in a few days.

The work deadlines came and passed. Then taxes came. Small business taxes are a strange form of torture.

Then the taxes passed, and I was embarrassed. I stopped in the middle of the month of daily asking. On a downer post, no less.

Then the embarrassment passed, and I got busy with house hunting and more wedding planning. Put on offer on a house. Visited 15 others. No luck.

All the while, I was asking and negotiating.

"I should write about this! I'll definitely start blogging again this week," I told myself. Every week.

Finally, for some reason, something happened. I didn't decide to write again. I just did.

So nice to see you around here again. How've you been? I hope this Spring has treated you nicely. Any asking adventures of your own you'd like to share?

Day 12 of 30: Wedding ask-o-rama

I spent Sunday in my pjs.

After a week of 13 hour days, I took the weekend completely off.

It was amazing.

Coffee...

              leftover pizza...

                               and flipping through wedding magazines!

I also spent quite a few hours online, looking for all the stuff I've been thinking about but too busy to investigate. And made a bunch of calls. Here's the status of those negotiations.

Photographer

An editor I work with recommended a photographer she knows, based in L.A. I saw her website and my heart started fluttering. Her pictures are breathtaking. I sent her an email, and when I heard back my heart sank: the cheapest package starts at $3,000, and if I want an album it jumps to $4,000. That is significantly above my (not yet fully determined) photo budget. All I know is that I can't afford to spend that much on photos. Even if I cut out other options -- and I believe she's worth that sacrifice -- I still can't pull that much together without cutting the guest list in half or doing the reception in my driveway.

But I replied saying I'd love to talk, and on Sunday we connected.

First of all, she was incredibly nice. We completely hit it off. Doesn't make my bank account bigger, sadly, but it was a good beginning!

Second, I found out that she is willing to create custom packages for people who can't pay her full fee.

"Really? That is such a relief! Because I would definitely want to compensate you for your time and talent. Your pictures are so amazing. But if you'd be willing to work fewer hours for less money or you could not include an assistant and take fewer pictures, then that would definitely allow me to make this work. But I also definitely want to make sure you're earning enough because you are so talented."

"Don't worry about it! I'm sure we can work something out."

Gained: A photographer!? I'll keep you posted on how it plays out.

Lost: Nothing.

Afterthought: Glancing at her portfolio, I could sense the amount of thought -- and innate talent -- that goes into framing each shot. That's worth a lot, and she is right to charge as much as she does. (Objections to the exorbitant wedding premium aside, if other photographers are charging 3, 4, and 5k for pics, she should definitely be at least in that range. She's amazing.)

That's why I was careful not to ask for a flat out discount, but to scale down both price and services.

Wedding coordinator

I am not a DIY bride. I'm a bride. 

The "DIY" tag is the latest trick of the wedding industry to convince us that NOT doing things yourself is the default. 

In linguistics they call that marking. In the olden days, most professions were a masculine default, so when a delicate she-creature venture into their territory they added the -ess ending: poetess, doctoress, actress, waitress. Today, some professions still have a feminine default, and you have to add "male" to clarify: male nurse, male dancer.

Same with this wedding lingo: nowadays if you don't add "DIY," the assuption is that you're getting the full package, including a 5k wedding planner. 

Wrong on so many levels.

Ok, rant over. Because...

I have come to the conclusion that I can't do everything by myself.

On the day of the event, I will need someone to cue the band, put a sign up pointing to where the reception is, make sure the food is ready on time. Stuff like that.

So I talked to one planner, and she was energetic and asked smart questions. But $400? For 6 hours? Maybe I don't get how difficult it is or what kind of training you need, but I would have pegged this for a $20/hour job. (Am I mistaken? Any day-of coordinators shooting smoke from their ears? Enlighten me!)

Bottom line: I will have to negotiate, or find someone more affordable or get creative. Maybe a local college student would be happy to make $150 on a Saturday night, bossing people around?

Live music

I had this vision of a gypsy fiddler wandering around the tables during the reception and playing his frenzied tunes. Not gonna happen in Southern California. Instead, I found something else really cool: a Django Reinhardt-y trio. Heard their music online and it was grooveh.

I left a message on their website saying I wanted to book them for a cocktail party, and when he called back he asked me for details.

"A wedding!" he said when I filled him in. "Well why didn't you say so!?"

"Does that mean you have to charge me double now?"

He explained that weddings have a lot more options: a bigger group, more hours, rah rah rah.

I answered that we need to stick to the cocktail option, since I can't pay for live music for the whole evening.

Then he explained their strange pricing structure. Maybe 'structure' isn't the right word, since he seemed to be kind of approximating.

"Between one... to three hours... we charge... $1,200."

"I'm confused. So even if you'd play for 2 hours, you'd charge me for 3?"

He sounded confused that I was confused. "Yes, why?"

"Would you be willing to charge less if it was not the full 3 hours?"

He told me it's not worth it to them to come out for anything less than $1,000, but he'd do two hours for that much.

Doesn't seem like a good value.

They do sound like some cool cats... but I was hoping it would be around $300 an hour for the trio, not $500 per hour for more time than I needed. I don't know going rates, but that's about what I'd mentally budgetted for.

Gained: The option to save $200 on something more costly than what I'd bargained for. I think I could work with him to bring the price down, but if it's not worth it to him, I don't know if I should bother.

Lost: Live music option, for now.

Bartender

I found a bartender on Craigslist and checked out his website. There was one thing I especially liked: he works with the client's alcohol. That means there's no markup (well, a retail markup but there might be ways around that), and we can return whatever we don't drink. Perfect!

We chatted on the phone, and he revealed that he'd be willing to lower his prices if I can't pay the full fee for all the fixings. I hadn't asked yet, but I think he sensed I wasn't going to sign up on the spot and pay full price.

I'm not sure if is business is hurting or if he's just the negotiating type.

Either way, I'm quite persuaded.

Gained: Confirmation that I should negotiate with him. He's sending me a complete quote and we'll take it from there.

Lost: Nothing.

Question: Any suggestions for signature cocktails?

image: lauriebailey.com

Day 5 of 30: Super duper discount on gorgeous antique wedding rings?

 

A few months back, I outlined the terms of The Wedding Asking Challenge: Try to negotiate every essential component of the grand fete. Exceptions will be made for exceptional values. Money saved will be invested, not turned into sangria the weekend after the wedding. (Actually, that does sound tempting...) Bottom line: I refuse to pay the bridal premium -- to the best of my ability. For, like any lass in love with dusty rose and silk organza, I may end up springing for a few little luxuries just because it's my wedding.

Swooooooon!

A recent objective has been to find wedding rings. I looked online and in department stores including Bloomingdale's. I stepped inside a few insipid chain stores and made a rapid u-turn (Whitehall, Zales and the like) and I spent a good 10 minutes inside one super mega discounter. The lowest price I could find there was $450 for his n' her simple yellow gold bands. Online, Overstock and Amazon had some sets for around $350 with the width and carat that worked. But while Mr. A liked the idea of expedited shipping, I wasn't convinced.

Then Alex, who is half of a fantastic couple Mr. A and I have befriended over the past year, told me where she found her stunning white gold Edwardian wedding band.

The man with the treasure box.

There this antique store in Ocean Beach, a neighborhood in San Diego lined with second hand delights, where a nice man has a treasure box  FILLED with gorgeous rings. Antique rings, diamonds and silver and ruby. 

For INSANELY low prices.

If she were typing, I bet Alex would have used ALL CAPS to convey her devotion to and enthusiasm for this place. So I think it's fair to do the same.

Today, I went in with Mr. A, and her words rang true. It was AMAZING!!

Ken, the ring man, took out the solid little box that must have contained around 300 rings. He told me to take a handful, put them on the counter and sort them into "no" or "maybe." I couldn't believe what I was seeing: An exquisite gold and diamond band for $65. A delicate garnet solitaire on a 14k gold band for a pittance. One ring from the 1890s which I won't describe because it was so beautiful. And so cheap. And so mine. Wait. Wedding bands. Self control. Self control.

Mr. A started valiantly by my side, but after about 70 rings he took off to check out the vintage telephones and gadgets.

Meanwhile, I went through the box and ended up setting aside about 20 "maybe" rings. I separated those into "Not really" "Maybe maybe" "Possible" and "Probable."

Next we looked for matching rings for him, and that further narrowed the options down. All were yellow gold and simple, with at most a milgrain design on the rim.

As I was trying them on again, Mr. A found something unbelievable: a ring from 1880. Inside, the worn inscription read "June 30, 1880" beside two sets of initials.

"I love the 1880s!" I exclaimed. (It meant it. Of all the decades of the 19th century, I have a strong preference for three: the 1830s, the 1850s and the 1880s. For aesthetic reasons, mostly. And a few technological / legal / political reasons, too.)

"My friend in Spain lives in a house from the Roman times. The walls are Roman and the roof was from 1650. So he'd say 1880 is like new. But for these parts, that ring has history," Ken told us.

That ring was also more expensive than the rest -- $195. It still cost less than most rings of that size and weight I'd seen anywhere else, but more than the others in this store. Mr. A found an almost identical band (which would have to be resized, adding an another $30 or so) and we agreed it was time to make the purchase. Which meant it was it time to ask.

"Can you give these to us for a better price?"

"No. I absolutely cannot. On gold, I don't negotiate one bit."

Whaaaaaa?

Ken!? Kenster, Kenerino, my buddy, my friend? We'd been talking for at least an hour about rings, and design, and history, and weddings, and married life, and male/female ring choosing rituals. (FYI: Women spend hours imagining what each ring will say about them, about their relationship, how the ring will sit on their hand at age 80. Men just grab the simplest thing they can, as fast as they can, and hit the door.)

That was the last thing I expected, in the heart of Ocean Beach. This was negotiation central! I'd bargained down things left and right in this neighborhood, for years! But come to think of it, the shopper right before me tried to get the price down on another ring by asking to pay cash and skip the tax. Ken refused.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I just don't negotiate for gold or silver. My prices are already lower than anything else you'll find."

Indeed, as I was inspecting the rings, he mentioned that whatever he pays for an item, he doubles to set his price. The standard jewelry retail markup is five times the wholesale purchase price, not double, said he. "I keep my prices low because I'm not like the other guys. They want to sell you one big ring, once in your life. But me, I know there are anniversaries. And birthdays. And babies coming. I want to be the place you come back to again and again."

Ken seemed to really know his business and love his work. And when he looked into my eyes to answer questions, his gaze was unflinching. I trusted Ken. I wanted to buy my wedding ring from him. I could tell Mr. A felt the same way.

We stepped aside and conferred. There was another set of rings, also lovely, but without that patina. Those other rings fit us perfectly, so we wouldn't have to resize anything. Together, they would be $60 cheaper than the antique set. (Or $90 cheaper, if you counted the sizing.)

"What's $60 over the course of a lifetime? Get the one you want more," Mr. A told me.

"Yes, but marriage is also about being responsible, not giving in to whimsy."

"That's true too. But please, don't hold back because of the price."

I kept trying them on, asking him to try them on, even placing them on his finger myself to see which one slid more willingly, in preparation for that sacred moment in the church...  I just wasn't sure, I wasn't sure... but the more I thought about it, the less I felt I wanted the old, expensive ring...

And then Mr. A shared one more thought: "Actually, I feel that if you want history, you should find it in your family. We will make our own history."

With that, we purchased the rings we preferred. No negotiation, but I am certain we made the right decision.

Closing thoughts:

1) Buyers: Before negotiating, distinguish between emotional/sentimental purchases and impulsive ones.

By 'emotional' I don't mean hormonal or impulse driven, but those that are guided by sentiment, nostalgia, desire, or any other warm and fuzzy feeling. Emotional attachment is worth something. Impulse, not so much.

If the age/year truly mattered in my conception of marriage, then that 1880 ring would have been worth the extra money. But Mr. A's probing comment made me realize what truly matters to us: starting something fresh. I can get something from 1880 -- a map or a book. It doesn't have to be my wedding ring when there's something equivalent in quality and comfort, for less money.

Same goes for any other purchase you ascribe a certain sentimental value to: your first home, the pen you'll be proofreading your novel with, the hotel you stay at the day you accept the Oscar (and other big moments we all routinely face): What matters, truly, and what's just impulse? What connection to that object, experience or service will give you a lasting dividend, and what will fizzle by dawn? Knowing this will help you know when to put your money down and when to walk away.

2) Sellers: When you offer something of true and legitimate worth, not lowering your price can make the buyer value you even more. 

This depends on how you do it. Ken spent a whole hour proving to me, in subtle and obvious ways, that his jewelry is worth every cent. Since he also knows his product is worth every cent, he refused to budge. In a way, that makes me prize the rings even more: I know I got a good deal, because I got a great value.

Lost: One negotiation victory.

Gained: Took one more step toward turning my treasure of a fiance into my husband.

image: ffffound.com

Day 4 of 30: Rule #281 of negotiation: Persevere!!! (And if that fails, grovel.)

My new umbilical cord.

Saturday morning, Mr. A and I had an hour to kill before I was heading to a cupcake tasting and he was going to do some errands. 

"Let's get you a new phone!" he said with the glee of an engineer about to spend the next six hours fondling tiny, shiny smartphones.

"Ok," I answered, with the resolve of a woman determined to make the trip last shorter than an hour.

(My old phone stopped charging and it freezes a few times per day. For the past two weeks I've been holding the charging wire into the phone and pressing it down with my thumb. It was time.)

We went to the Sprint store near our house, and there the decision came down to two Blackberries: the Curve and the Bold. If you ask the experts and forums and chip processors, there's a world of difference between these phones. Screen resolution! Processing speed! Megapixels! Network capabilities!!

But between you and me, they were exactly the same thing, with one exception: the Bold was $200 more, and it had a better keyboard. 

Is a better keyboard worth $200?

I was actually torn, because I type A LOT on my phone. As a reporter, I sometimes take interviews or notes on my Blackberry, if for some reason a notebook isn't accessible or strategic. I tweet for clients, I spend a fair amount of time on Facebook... I get unlimited free text messages -- and I use them. I'm like a tween with a Roth IRA and a house lease.

We quickly checked prices online and saw the Bold was on eBay for $190. Not a great bargaining chip.

"Would you do a better price if I paid cash?"

"I can't do that, sorry!" 

By then J, the salesman, had spent half an hour showing us phones. He really wanted to close the sale. So I said we'll pass, took Mr. A's hand and started walking away.

And then I turned around and quickly asked, "Well what's the best you can do? Because $200 is more than I expected to pay coming in today. But if you can make me a great deal, I will walk away with the phone right now."

"I can't give you a discount on the phone. That's not where I have the option. But here's what I can do: If you stock up on accessories, that's where I can definitely cut you a deal!"

"I'm listening."

"If you buy the car charger, the Bluetooth and the carrying case, then I can do it for..."

Mr. A cut in. "You have a Bluetooth headset. You have two. You never use them." 

But maybe I should get a case, to get a bigger discount? Wait a minute! Buying more things to get a better discount is not the way to save money. I really did not need a case.

"No Bluetooth, and no case. How much is the charger?"

"$35. But if you get the phone, I can give it to you for $20."

"We'll take it."

As J started on the paperwork, I started regretting settling so quickly. $15 off of a $235 purchase? Not bad, but still: I should have asked back. These retorts started buzzing around in my head:

a) "$220 for both is a good place to start, not finish." Smile. "Now how can we get that combo down to $200?"

b) "Thanks, but I'll be honest, I'm not biting yet. That's not even 10 percent off. This is a big purchase -- can you knock off $20 from the phone or charger -- whatever is easier for you?"

c) "$15? How about you throw in the charger for free?"

d) "If you're interested in selling accessories and extras, how about this: If you can give me a 10 percent discount on my bill for the next six months, I will buy the phone and charger at full price."

e) "Is there anything else you can do to bring the price down? Talk to your manager or maybe let me ask him?"

f) "I think we're going to think about it... I just don't have that kind of money after all. Sorry to waste your time!"

Ah! Why did I cave so quickly?!

The transaction was almost done. J finished inputting my info and was about to run my card, when out of nowhere I blurted, "Can you please please please please please please please do the charger for $15? Not $20? I have this compulsive need to negotiate and I feel like $20 off would be so much better."

He looked at me and squinted. Not annoyed, it seemed... just, evaluating...

"Sure. I can do it for $15."

"Oh my god! Thank you!! Do you think I'm the most annoying customer in the world?"

"No. I understand. $200 is a lot to spend on a phone. I understand why you're negotiating."

Gained: $20. (Also, hit my original target of 10 percent off the phone value -- even if it was deducted from the charger.)

Lost: 2 minutes of negotiating: 1:45 in the first conversation, and 15 seconds in the groveling segment.

Reflections:

1) When I told him no Bluetooth and no case, he still gave me a deal on the charger. That shows he was very willing to negotiate. I'm glad I didn't assume buying all 3 was a prerequisite for a discount!

2) I sometimes must remind myself that buying more JUST to get a bigger discount is no deal. I just wanna make that explicit, here, since I almost fell for it.

3) If you don't care how awful you look, negotiating in this style is easy! Not sure how effective in the long run, but this time it worked. If you have an ounce of pride, though, there are ways to be a lot more classy than whining please please please please please please please please! That's something I'll be exploring in the next 26 days of daily asking.

Now it's your turn: I invite you to think of something pricey you'll be purchasing soon (next six months) and leave a comment with one argument you can make for bringing the price down. Regular commenters, I always welcome your contributions! And if you're shy or lurking on the blog, I'd love to hear from you. 

Please please please please please please!

How to save a third of your income and still have FUN: Expert Q&A

Chances are you've already come across Kimberly Palmer's blog, Alpha Consumer, which is full of fresh and practical advice. Or maybe you've seen or read new her book, Generation Earn, which just made the top five in Mint.com's financial literacy reading list. So you can imagine how thrilled I was that she agreed to answer my questions about her project and her philosophy, and even ask me a few questions back!

In our email exchange we discovered we're similarly obsessed with helping others re-envision their relationship with money. We're both members of Gen Y and both have spent more than 23 days in Washington D.C. (She live there, and I've passed through on occasion.) Unlike me, she seems incredibly disciplined and managed to buy a condo thanks to her frugality. I've learned a lot from her, and I'm pleased to share her answers, below.

Expert: Kimberly Palmer

Twitter: @alphaconsumer

Twitter bio:  Gen Y personal finance expert, author, and personal finance columnist for U.S. News & World Report 

Online: generationearn.com; usnews.com

Check out: "Recession Lessons from Gen Y" via Alpha Consumer.

Exciting: She was recently profiled and interviewed by Fox Business.

Why she rocks: She isn't just giving young people tools for financial responsibility: She's a living, breathing example that her ideas are doable: even the biggest one, saving a third of your annual income, is a goal she preaches after a year of practice.

When I hear you put aside third of your income, I freak out. It seems like so much! But then when I read about the life you were leading, it seemed totally doable. You didn't fall apart, you didn't sit on the carpet eating ramen and staring at the walls. Here's my question: When you started out, did you fear it would be impossible? How did you mentally and emotionally prep yourself for the changes you were about to make?

We actually never sat down and said, “Let’s start saving one-third of our income,” we just decided to be more frugal – and actually, both my husband and I were pretty frugal to begin with, so it wasn’t a major change. We just knew that if we wanted to have any kind of financial security – save for a home, for retirement, for a family – then we had to put away a significant amount of cash. We did it by making some pretty big lifestyle decisions, including staying on a small, one-bedroom apartment until our baby was three months old, which meant we could avoid car use, too. We also kept our food budget pretty low by cooking relatively inexpensive, mainly vegetarian meals. Focusing on those big three costs – housing, food, and transportation – was the key.

But I should also add that saving one-third is pretty much impossible at certain times of your life, especially after big changes – a recent graduation, new baby, or new house. In the past year, we had a baby and also bought a house. That caused a big shock to our savings rate and we haven’t yet recovered  – although we are trying!

What was the biggest sacrifice you made?

Housing. In our tiny apartment, we would watch HGTV and lust after the nice homes. We could have afforded a nicer apartment or a two-bedroom, but we resisted, and eventually we saved enough money for a down payment on our current house.  

Were there any moments of temptation? How did you deal with that?

Not really, because we pretty much adjusted to our frugal lifestyle, so we didn’t miss anything. Well, maybe when we visited a friend’s nice home we would be momentarily envious. But we did indulge in some small things, like a nice flat-screen television, and expensive craft beer, so it’s not like we were living a Spartan lifestyle.

What part, if any, did asking/negotiation play in cutting costs?

Huge! I have to give my husband credit for this because he is the master of negotiating, although I am getting better myself. We ended up getting access to a beautiful hotel pool near our apartment all summer long for almost no money just because he asked for cheap passes. We also had success negotiating hotels for getaways and smaller retail purchases. Those little savings add up.

  

I understand it took some experimenting to find the best ways to save. Can you tell me about two or three different approaches you took, and why each was (or wasn't) effective?

There were a few times when we said, “Let’s cut out restaurant meals, because that is such a drain on our budget.” But it never stuck. We always ended up going back to our favorite place on Friday nights. And you know, that is okay. We needed some reward for our hard work. So for us, cutting out restaurant meals altogether wasn’t the way to go.

  

How much of this goal required you to disconnect from societal pressures and expectations about "what one should buy/own" and just do what you felt was right?

We actually found that almost all our friends were also trying to be more frugal, so after we explained to them our plan to save more, it wasn’t hard to get them on board. It turns out a lot of people would rather skip the expensive social plans, too. There are cheaper ways to hang out and have fun, like taking turns hosting dinner parties. Because so many people our age also care about saving, I never really felt that “keeping up with the Jones” pressure.

    

What's the path of least resistance -- i.e. the easiest way to boost savings?

You have to find the strategy that works best with your lifestyle, which requires some introspection. If you love fashion, don’t cut your clothing budget. Cut your food and housing budget instead. Your spending has to be aligned with your passions or it will never stick.

Any "golden rules" of saving -- a must do for anyone, regardless of age, income bracket, location, family situation, employment status?

My favorite is pretty basic: You have to spend less than you earn. It can be pretty profound once you really think about it though. For people used to using credit cards, it requires a mindset adjustment.

How are you different today?

I have so many more financial responsibilities that it’s harder than ever to save and be frugal! The biggest, of course, is my baby.  I spend so much on her, partly because I’m a new mom and still experimenting with what I need and what I don’t need, and also because I think it is a natural reaction of parents to want to spoil their children! I can’t help it, I want to buy her the best of everything.

If any readers decide to try saving a third of their income, or a version of it, can you point them to some resources -- either blog posts or, ahem, your book -- so they can get some more guidance?

In Generation Earn, I focused on how to zone in on goals so you can be smart about spending and lifestyle choices and save a significant amount of your income. The most successful savers profiled in my book are ones who started small, by saving even just $10 a week, and then slowly ramping that up, because it’s partly about establishing a habit. That’s why I also recommend budgeting tools like Mint.com, so you can start slowly and work towards your bigger goals.

image source: courtesy of Kimberly Palmer

How to save $40 at Bestbuy

Step One. Discover that the Ooma, an internet based telephone system that lets you make unlimited free calls forever, is cheaper at Bestbuy than online.

Step Two. Drive to Bestbuy in McAllen, Texas, with father and stepmother.

Step Three. Pick up an Ooma ($200).

Step Four. Wander by the netbooks. Mmm. Pretty. Listen stepmother ponders getting one. Pro: She and dad have been sharing a single computer for 10 years. By sharing, I mean not sharing. ;) Con: It's not free.

Step Five: Pick up a netbook ($300).

Step Six: Time to go wireless. Pick up a router ($50).

Step Seven: On the way to cash register, quickly scan prices for netbook on phone's internet and note that it's selling for $30 less.

Step Eight: Ask to speak to a manager. Cashier is a bit miffed, but explain nothing is wrong. You're just wanna make a deal. She acquiesces.

Step Nine: State case. The Netbook is cheaper on the Bestbuy website. Oh, and since you're buying $$$ in stuff, can he knock off anything from the other prices?

Step Ten: Smile as he reduces the netbook price by $30 and the Ooma by 5%, or $10. Congrats. In 40 seconds, you've just saved $40.

Consider that $30 of those bucks are money Bestbuy was perfectly willing to give up. They were selling the exact same product for less, online. So at the very least, check prices before you head to a store (or on a phone, while you're shopping, if you can) and see if they can match those. You never know what you're missing or what could be cheaper with a newton of effort.

As for the $10. Indeed, that's not a lot, especially given the starting price. In retrospect I should have asked back, for a bigger discount: perhaps a certain dollar amount, or a counteroffer of 10% or even 20% off. But hindsight is 20/20. And even that minimal effort resulted in, essentially, an almost-free router.

Yay asking.

How to save $1440 a year on your phone bill

While I was in Texas (yeah yeah, I've been back in California for more than a week, but blog wise I'm still in the Lone Star state. I have one more thing to report from there before we move on).

So.

While I was in Texas, I convinced my dad and stepmom to ditch their landlines. They had two landlines and two cell phones, and those bills were adding up.

Each was paying $60 per month. (This included the $30 monthly fee plus all sorts of taxes, local long distance charges, an international calling plan, call waiting and a few other services.)

I told them that landlines are totally 2004.

I told them landlines are superfluous and annoying.

We went over the bill and I didn't need to tell them how expensive it was.

They were about to agree. And then, they asked:

"What if a hurricane hits and we need to call 911?"

"Cell phone."

"What if someone is outside and our doorbell is broken and they need to call us to tell us they're outside?"

"Cell phone."

"What if someone wants to reach us but we're sleeping? We just turn the ringers off at night."

"Cell phone. With the ringer off."

"What if both of our cell phones are out of batteries and there's an emergency and the cell phone towers are jammed and someone outside is trying to reach us and we just want to call to say we love you?"

"You have a point."

I hooked up Dad with a Magic Jack, which is an internet phone. For around $40, you get a year of unlimited local and long distance calls. The downside: he had to give up his phone number. But he was fine with that, so in about 30 minutes he was good to go.

My stepmom wanted to keep her number, so I suggested she try an Ooma. This machine is expensive -- $200 -- but then, get this. For the rest of your life, you get free calls. Local and long distance. It costs extra to port your number. Even at $240, she's saving $480 in a year. And who knows how much, from then on.

Takeaway points:

1) Magic Jack is an internet based telephone that runs through your computer. Your computer has to be on for it to work. It costs $40 for the machine and a year of service. Then, $20 per year. Unlimited calls, local and long distance.

2) Ooma is a machine that's also internet based, but it doesn't need a computer to work. You must attach it to your cable modem and your phone, and that's it. The machine costs $250 online, but around $200 at Bestbuy. Then, no more phone bill. Ever.

3) Both work with regular telephone you already have.

I never endorse products on this blog. That's not what this site is about. But since we're all looking to save a buck these days, I thought I'd spread the word. I have no stake in either company.

Savings: $120 per month for a family with 2 landlines.

(This isn't an asking, but it's preparation for the next post. And I thought you might find it useful...)

What happens when you ask 61 inns and hotels for a discount? The results were astounding!

Alert: Long post, but really worthwhile. I promise. If you don't have time now, read it when you get the chance. Practical info at the bottom, and uplifting angle. If I do say so myself!? =)

***

Early Friday, Mr. A and I decided to go to Napa after his conference wrapped up in SF. He's been once before, almost a decade ago, and I've long harbored the hope of a getaway-for-two, some day...

So far, every time we had an open weekend and I checked availability and prices, everything was either booked or extremely expensive. This time, there was availability, but the prices were still out of reach. At first, I got a little depressed. Gorgeous places. Such charm, such delicious vistas. And we'd be stuck at a motel or overpriced, understyled chain hotel. Nice.

Then, I asked.

At first I thought I would write to the five or so inns I was most interested in, but I realized that the reservation was for that very night, so I had better cast a wide net. I did a Google search and ended up emailing 61 establishments. Their baseline rates were from $125 to $550 per night. Here is the message I wrote:

Hello,

In a rare and last minute getaway, my beau and I have decided to explore Napa Valley this weekend (we live in San Diego). I thought I'd ask: are you flexible with your rates? Our budget is around $120 per night, and on the off chance that you have a special, or an empty room or cancellation you'd like to fill this Friday and/or Saturday, we would *love* to stay with you. We could come tonight and/or tomorrow, Feb. 26 and/or 27.

Your rooms are gorgeous, and worth every penny of what you charge. But since it's more than what we can afford (and I have a philosophy that it's better to ask and be refused than not try at all) I figured I would write. I hope you don't mind my request, and I hope to return the favor some day, or pay it forward.

I would also be happy to spread the word about your generosity on twitter, my blog, facebook and more -- or keep mum -- as you prefer. =)

Thank you, best wishes,

La Roxy

(I know it seems insincere of me to tell 61 places I'd *love* to stay with them. But it's not an exaggeration. All these places are gorgeous. While there were one or two I especially had my eye on, I knew I couldn't be choosy under the circumstances. I'd be grateful for anything.)

I hit send, went to sleep and hoped for a reply.

Boy did they reply.

When I woke up, I had more than 30 responses. And they kept coming in.

Of the 61 innkeepers I contacted, more than 40 ended up writing back, and the vast majority of those either met my $120 budget or offered a generous discount. Here is a selection of their answers. Because many asked for discretion, I have cut their names and rounded the baseline prices so that no one is recognizable:

I have one room that I would be willing to offer you at $120 per night. It is only during this slow season that we will do an occasional room for such a low rate. I live by the same philosophy -- the worst anyone can say is no! [normally $230]

Thank you for the nice inquiry. I applaud your sincere effort and candid request. Unfortunately, all our rooms are booked this weekend. Hope you find a nice place to stay and think of us in the future.

We do have a queen room available for tonight, Friday, only. We could offer it to you at $120 as a one time special. [normally $180]

We are happy to offer you a rate of $120. [normally $170]

Thank you for your interest in our establishment and your kind email. Because you took the time to write and ask about the rate in we are going extend the rate of $120 to you for either tonight or tomorrow night. [normally $200]

Your email was forwarded to me. I can offer as low as $130, let me know if you still want to book this for tonight and tomorrow. [normally $200]

I am so sorry that we did not respond to your message; we were out of town. In the future, please know that we are always willing to work with people regarding rates especially during our slow season. I hope you made it to the Valley and had a great time. Thanks for your interest.

I am the owner (just got into work!) and have far more flexibility than my staff in negotiating rates. [My staff] are wonderful but do not feel they have the right to negotiate, especially when the asking rate is "too low".... I could offer you a room for the rate you are requesting. [normally $140]

The best rate I have this weekend is $125 for a deluxe king. I would be happy to extend this special rate to you. [normally $200]

We do have one room available tonight and tomorrow night. We could let it go for $120 without breakfast or $140 with a full breakfast. [normally $150]

I can extend last min special $100/night. [normally $130]

The lowest rate we could come down to is $165. [normally $230]

If you would like to stay with us this weekend we will offer our [redacted] suite for $120 [normally $160]

Thank you for you interest. You are right, it never hurts to ask. Unfortunately our rates are not flexible. The best rate we can do for this weekend is $180 per night. Are you flexible for your travel dates? We do have midweek rates that are considerably lower.

I have the a room open February 26th which I would be willing to rent @$120.00 per night plus tax. However, it is not available on Saturday. [normally $130]

Well last minute is good - that's how you get the great prices. I happen to have a room available both tonight and tomorrow night and I'll go down to the $120 price you can afford. [normally $150]

Thank you for your inquiry...We do have availability this weekend and we also have some great specials (which are posted on our web site). However, our rates are still significantly higher than the $120 rate you are looking for. The best rate I could offer you is a last minute discounted rate of $195/night. Our rates also include a gourmet breakfast each morning as well as evening wine and cheese. [normally $230]

If you reserve Friday and Saturday I will offer the rate at $125 per night without breakfast. A great deal! [normally $220]

We are offering a rare special of $150 tonight and tomorrow. It's good to ask... [normally $240]

We have a private cottage available and we would be glad to accommodate your budget. [normally $240]

Thank you so much for your email and time. I would love to offer our queen suite for just $110.00 a night. [normally $170]

We can offer a last minute special of $210/night. [normally $250]

We would be happy to offer you our last minute rate. For a two night stay that would be $100 for tonight and $150 for tomorrow, any room you like. [normally $160]

Thanks for your inquiry - I happen to agree with your philosophy and don't mind you asking whatsoever. I'm afraid I can't accommodate this weekend, but if you have any flexibility with your schedule, I can do something next weekend. We're all in a bit of an economic crunch so it would be great if you could go up just a bit, say to $150. In return, I would see that you get a seriously upgraded room, along with comp tasting coupons and a lovely breakfast. [normally $160]

In the spirit of your email, and given the last minute nature of your request, we'd be pleased to offer you a tonight for $120 plus tax. We are full tomorrow, Saturday, 2/27, so that opportunity doesn't exist. [normally $160]

I could extend our Manager's Special for this weekend. $110 [normally $170]

Sure we can help you out. Give me a call and we will get you all set up. We would love to have you come spend the weekend. [normally $160]

Based just on the responses above, I ended up saving an average of $53 per night, from an average price of $192.

I remain absolutely amazed. I had emailed so many people hoping I might get one or two answers -- if I was lucky, that is.

Driving around all these cute towns over the weekend, I eyed many of these places. Some homes were tucked behind tall trees and others stood proudly on street corners. And I though about who was inside. Innkeepers smarting from this economy, trying to fill empty rooms or maybe just happy to make a newcomer's Napa dream come true.

This experience reminded me something fundamental about what I've learned since I started this endeavor. When you ask, doors really do open. Literally. And a good asker opens the door for others. Just waiting for when and how...

TAKEAWAY POINTS

1. Never trust the sticker price. My first instinct had been to reserve the motel and be done with it. And then I remembered I'm the asker. Every price is negotiable. No reason you shouldn't think the same way. (Same goes for availability: some websites said "no room" but the management replied with an opening.)

2. Don't be greedy. My aim here wasn't to lowball. Yes, I did include one hotel with rooms that start at $550 (because -- why not?) but my price point was very frank: it was the most I was willing and able to spend. I knew this because I'd looked at a Best Bestern and a motel and was about to reserve the Best Western, for $120, when I got this idea. That set my upper limit. I also felt that $120 is a rate a nice Bed and Breakfast might feel comfortable taking, where as $80 might not be.

3. Be personal and personable. It took me a while to write that email, and I'm glad I didn't rush. Several people wrote back that they appreciated my effort. Perhaps they liked that I didn't just say, "Can I just pay $120? Thanks! Lemme know! C-ya!" I wasn't cavalier. I showed them that I valued their establishment and any courtesy they could extend.

4. Look beyond currency as payment. I thought about offering to barter something or making them dinner, but the time was very limited (two days). So I decided to add the line about paying back and paying forward.

5. Apparently last minute is the way to go. Many wanted to fill the room, so they offered heavy discounts. One more excuse to be spontaneous!

6. If done right, asking empowers the other party as much as the asker. Why assume someone wouldn't want to be asked? (Or in this case, wouldn't want to rent a room at a discount when faced with low bookings?)

Asking isn't a demand -- it opens the dialogue. That's the key.

What's your take? Do you think this info might make you more confident to ask for a hotel discount, next time around, or do you think I just got lucky because of the economy? Do you have better luck getting deals in advance, or do you try your luck last minute?

[image via thewinetourist.com]

Didn't you say $12?

I decided, when I moved into my office, that I'd always have fresh flowers on my desk.

There's a stand is right by where I work, which makes that resolution very easy.

Thursday afternoon, I stopped by to pick up a bouquet.

I poked around a few premade options, which were gorgeous, but they were more than I wanted to spend. The man pointed me to one for $10.

"It's pretty, but half of the flowers are wilting."

"How about I make something for you. How much do you want to spend?"

"$10, up to $12."

"How about some stock? Rununculas?"

"That's great, yes, really delicate. Perfect."

He picked up a few stems and got to work, added some flouncy leaves, wrapped a bright purple paper around it and pronounced my price.

"$14.99."

"Didn't we say $12?"

"Ok."

The flowers were so pretty that I ended up going back down and picking up another bouquet, this time with lillies and tuberoses (one of my favorites because of the intoxicating smell), for a dinner Mr. A and I were headed to. At first I had been thinking to bring wine, but that disappears in an hour, while flowers last for days.

That time, we agreed on a price and he stuck to it.

[via blackwhiteyellow.blogspot.com]

Cut $5 off this thinghiemabob?

The past week has been, how you say, crazy, and the coming week is looking like a repeat. But Saturday I took a break and decompressed for a few blessed hours, and I had a lovely time.

I spent the day at an antique fair with a new friend. We've hung out a few times and she's always struck me as a fun, up-for-anything kind of spirit. My suspicions were confirmed when we meandered up and down the aisles of this massive warehouse, oohing and aahing at all the antique and vintage wares and comparing notes about our dream houses and possible past lives.

At one booth, I spotted a little bowl/candy dish/thinghimabob and asked how much it was. A mother-daughter duo were sitting calmly, chatting quietly and polishing silver. If the set around them collapsed and a 19th century British row house were erected, and Dicken's voice started narrating from the ether, I would not have blinked. Two women with porcelain skin and long locks, hunched over their goods, polishing away. Amelia Caraway was waiting for Captain Manley, she was. He was out in the Indies. He would come back and take them both to out east, but until then they had to polish, polish away. Would they earn enough that week to pay the ruthless Mr. Branford his rent? And would the elder Mrs. Caraway ever find a way to tell Amelia she was actually the daughter of the Duke of Sussex, a lovechild begotten when he was but 17 and the elder Mrs. Carraway a bonnie lass from the heath?

"$10" replied the older lady.

I was about to see if they could do $7 when the daughter cut in.

"Oh mom, not $10. That's too much. $5."

"Great! I'll take it."

"I've had it for too long. I'm ready to say bye-bye to that piece," the daughter continued.

I handed over the cash and we started talking. They had come down for the antique fair from northern California. Gave me a card. Invited me to stop by for dinner if I'm ever in Bolita.

I believe I will. Thank you, ladies.

[image via mad.lesartsdecoratifs.fr]

Double darn

Short and sweet, because I have something better to report in the next round.

Asked twice. Was rejected twice. Here ya go:

First, I asked Sprint for a rebate or discount after my cell phone's internet has been down for a MONTH. After several attempts, I've just given up. (Actually, I feel liberated by not being able to check email or the news every few seconds. It's been a major lifestyle boost. I'm not kidding!! But I still wanted to fix it, because I'm paying for it. And because it does occasionally come in handy, as long as I am able to keep the internet urges in control.)

The agent told me that since internet is an extra feature, rather that part of my phone's core functionality, they can't offer any discounts.

I had a response ready.

I had several.

But I was exhausted. So I let it rest. For now.

Sprint: 1. Roxy: 0.

Darn!

Later, I went to dinner at Taco Bell. Not a place I usually frequent given that there's a ton of real Mexican food within a mile of my house. But it was close to midnight, after a long day, when the last thing I wanted to do was cook.

Drive through to the rescue.

"Hi, I'd like your cheesy beefy melt burrito, but could you give me tomatoes instead of beans?"

"I can hold the beans, but the tomatoes are still going to cost extra."

"Really? Even if it's a substitution?"

"Sorry."

Darn!

The thing is, the voice did sound sorry. I get the feeling he's the kind of person who would have thrown in tomatoes for free, if it he ran own business. But he's working hard at Taco Bell, close to Midnight on a Tuesday, for close to nothing.

I smiled when I pulled up, but he didn't notice.

How To Negotiate Your Cable Bill

Cable bills are set to rise. Some will pay up. Others will opt out. And a few people, like Josh Smith, of Wallet Pop, have asked for a discount.

Check out this blog post, in which Smith posts a priceless transcript of his online sales chat. He got his cable bill down from $177 a month for cable, phone and Internet to $127. That savings of $50 a month adds up to $1,200 for the two-year period -- all for a 10 minute phone chat.

Even if you're not into cable savings, his strategies are good for many negotiation situations.

Here are a few snippets. He starts by clearly and comfortably stating what he wants, demonstrates knowledge of their system, and threatens consequences if they don't meet his request.

Josh_: Hi Sharmin
Josh_: Thanks, I am trying to make my cable bill a bit more affordable today after it increased $65 this month
Josh_: I was just on chat with an analyst named Jeff who offered me Jeff: if you would like to be put in to a price lock guarantee package the price would be 117.80 the first year of service then just a 5.00 increase in the second year of service
Josh_: but suggested I call in to the sales number for a better deal since I had been considering dropping a service or switching to U-Verse.

When Sharmin suggests he talk to Retention, he says he already has -- and the price is still too high. Note his buddy buddy attitude and his gratitude. By the bottom of this excerpt, she's clearly on his side, trying to win his consumer loyalty and make his day.

Josh_: Unfortunately Retention's price is higher than chat and they suggested I try here again before shopping around
Sharmin: I can see what I can do for you
Sharmin: seriously
Josh_: Thanks Sharmin, I really appreciate the help
Josh_: The best retention offered was 127.75 per month
Sharmin: let me have your phone number, I am sorry they keep bouncing you around....i also do retention backup, so I can give you the best rate
Sharmin: thanks, one moment, let me take a look
Josh_: OK take your time
Sharmin: I see the two year rate for the $117.80 rate, but it looks like Jeff missed your dvr service code which is $9.95
Josh_: gotcha
Sharmin: now, I can lock in the rate for 2 solid years with no $5 step up
Sharmin: 127.75 per month would be your rate for 2 solid years
Josh_: Sounds like a plan!
Josh_: Thanks Sharmin
Sharmin: not a problem, I can also backdate it to the date your last bill printed
Josh_: Wow, you rock!

That's what I call win-win.

Read the whole transcript, plus practical info about cable rates, here.

Today's asking update coming soon. But wanted to share this in the meantime.

Toodles!

Give me a break, Sprint?

Once in a while I go over my cell phone minutes and pony up the cash. I know that's part of the deal and I've never protested. Until now.

Sprint charged $20 for talking 105 minutes more than my allotment.

But this time, I asked for a break because... it was my birthday!

It happened to fall on a Monday, and 245 of the minutes I talked that day were between 7 and 7.

So I figured, why not try.

"Hello? Hi. I have sort of a silly question... I went over my minutes last month and looking at my bill, I realize that most of that is because it I was talking to people on my birthday. So, I don't know if you have a magic birthday wand you can waive, but if there's any way you could reduce that charge, or erase it, that would be so wonderful."

"I'll have to check with my manager," the agent replied.

"Of course! Thanks for even listening to my request."

He chuckled, I tittered, he put me on hold, and I held my breath.

He came back with a compromise:

"My supervisor said I can go ahead and take off half of that charge."

"Really!? Thank you!! You just made my birthday even sweeter."

Results: Reduced an overage charge from $20 to $10. Thank you, Sprint!!

(I found this pic on textually.org, a page about txt and sms messaging I just stumbled across. Kind of scary how on-target this cake is, come to think of it...)

Refund this book?

A few weeks ago, I ordered a book through Alibris. It was an old edition of a book that would help me design a syllabus, if I ever end up teaching literature. Its condition was described as Very Good, meaning little wear and no marks or highlighting. When I opened the book I received, I discovered it was full of highlighting and sloppy underlining.

It was a total no go. The book was very cheap -- $2 -- but with shipping, it added up. More than anything, I wanted to send a message. Just cause we're all anonymous doesn't mean quality or service should fly out the window. I, for one, care.

I sent this admittedly terse email Monday:

Hello,

I received the book _Beginning Theory_ and I would like to send it back for a refund. It is in much worse condition than was specified in your description. I am very disappointed in your service. Please send me a shipping voucher or some manner to send it back without paying for shipping, and refund my credit card when you receive the book.

La Roxy

Moments later, I got this response.

Thank you for your email. I am terribly sorry you received an incorrectly listed item. We strive to accurately list and ship books but sometimes errors occur. I have refunded your order in full and apologize for this inconvenience. You may keep or donate the book that was sent to you.

Warm regards,

Honorable Merchant

Result: Refund, and avoided the hassle of sending it back. That's what I call a convenient return policy! I will donate the book to Goodwill, though I have a creeping suspicion they will not accept it -- because of that darned highlighting! But I'll try.

Save 50 percent on a haircut?

A few months ago, I was taking a walk when I saw a woman from a distance and I had one thought: I want her hair. I want that long thick mass of spun gold. True, the color would wash me out, but the shape, the look, the line, and the style were absolute perfection.

"Excuse me, where do you get your haircut?" I asked, after following and finally approaching her.

"Oh!" She seemed a bit surprised. "I haven't had a haircut in like three months!"

"Your hair looks amazing."

"Wow, thank you. I get it cut with Marcus. Salon de Marcus. He just opened a new salon downtown, on 2nd and Broadway. He gives the best haircuts I've ever had in my life."

"Sounds good. Thank you!"

A few days later, I walked into the salon to check it out and my heart sank. The broad staircase and Versace style Medusa head above the tall door totally turned me off. They screamed one thing: "Money. I got it, and you better too, if you want a piece of me." So did the "de," which made me think he's wannabe European nobility and probably making his clients pay for the purchase of a title. The only welcoming hint was a "just opened" sign outside. Perhaps they were offering some specials...?


I walked up to the receptionist and asked how much a haircut costs -- "$275" I heard -- and quickly turned on my heels.

No haircut is worth that much. Not that I have that kind of money to begin with.

Fast forward to this evening. I've been looking for a new stylist, because mine is just okay. For $70, she does a good job, but nothing that leaves me ooing and aahing. I cut my hair very rarely, so when I do I need it to be fantastic. I've been spoiled by salons in other cities, but no one to rave about in San Diego.

I figure have two choices: look for someone in the same price range, but better -- or find someone cheaper!! Tough times, kids.

I checked out some reviews, made some calls, and finally, inspired by a coupon I saw online, I gave in and decided to try Salon de Marcus one last time. I opted for a phone call.

"Salon de Marcus."

"Hi. I've heard some great things about your salon, and I'm interested in getting my hair cut with you. What is the price range?"

"They start at $55." That sounded MUCH better. Was the first receptionist just messing with me, did I mishear, or have they lowered their prices since that opening week?

"And would that be with Marcus?"

"No, that would be with one of our stylists."

"Ok, I see. And how much does Marcus charge?"

"$150."

"I see." Thwarted, again. But, why not suss things out? "That's unfortunately out of my price range. Can I ask you a question? Is there ever a chance to work with Marcus for a reduced rate? I know sometimes salons look for models, or they use guinea pigs to teach new styles. Does he ever do that?"

(This info was new to me. Just today I found out that another expensive salon charges $20 for haircuts with the "master stylist," but you have to be willing to do something crazy to your hair. That's not me. Buying one way plane tickets, eating raw shellfish off the street in Mexico, or volunteering to fix a bus in a hailstorm crazy? Bring it on. But a mullet or lime green bangs? Nooooo..)

"Oh, sorry, actually we just finished all the shooting for our promotional photos." She sounded nice, not annoyed. Keep trying...

"Oh, it's just that I've heard Marcus is amazing, and I'd so love to get a haircut with him, but honestly that's out of my budget. I simply can't afford that. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but finances are an important factor for me. Are there maybe any specials, now or the future?"

"Well, he only charges half price for his first haircut."

"What?"

"Yeah, the first haircut is half off."

"Really?!"

"Yes. Would this be your first time with us?"

"Yes! So that would be $75?" Just had to double check.

"Yes."

"Wonderful! Sign me up!!! Thanks for the scoop!!"

Funny she didn't mention the discount right off the bat.

We set my appointment for Saturday. I don't think I've ever been this excited about a haircut before. Ever.

Result: I will save $75 off of a $150 haircut.

Indeed, it will cost more than my current salon. But that woman's hair looked amazing. And it's with a man dubbed "by far the best hairstylist I have ever been to" on the (alas unreliable) Yelp. And I haven't touched my hair since November!!!

My tresses are in deep need of some expert attention, and I think the money will go a lot further under the exquisite care "de Marcus."

Maybe I'll upload a photo -- from behind. Teehee.

33 percent off this DKNY velvet jacket?

Tonight I went to Marshalls to pick up some sandals. I left with no shoes, but with a picture frame, a beautiful black blouse, a long gypsy skirt, a soft silky self-indulgence, and a cropped red velvet jacket by DKNY. The jacket was unstructured and minimal, despite the rich color and texture.

Yes, I confirm a stereotype, as well as scientific research. I like to shop. A lot. Which applies both to the liking and the shopping.

For evidence research, please consult this nifty interactive graphic from the New York Times about how Americans use their time in a given day. The surveyors isolated the data for different age groups, races, genders, employment situations! Check it out here.

Here's a sample of how a day breaks down, by activity -- very cool! (Click to enlarge)

[from an NYT interactive graphic]

Well, now. Back to that jacket.

There was a small tear at the lining's armpit. And a small white mark (looked like deodorant) on the other armpit. Time for the pitch.

"Oh wait, sorry! Did you ring that up?"

"I did."

"Could you take it off? I'm still thinking about it. Thanks!... [as she rings up the rest] Yeah, I was noticing this hole, and a stain. Could you maybe adjust the price so I can pay for drycleaning?"

"The best I can do is mark the problem areas, in case you decide return it," she replied.

Here's the thing. The defects were outwardly invisible -- and easily solved. It was an originally $400 DKNY jacket, reduced about 8 times. To $15. On clearance to the Nth power. I was sure I wanted it. So I waited for her to finish with the other clothes, and then I added:

[trendsetter]

"If you can make it $10, I'd be happy with a final sale. It's a great jacket, but it's been here for ages. I would only take it if I got that discount."

Guess she wasn't wearing that "No. 1 Customer Service Winner" badge for nothing. She agreed!

Result: Saved $5. And... scored a gorgeous designer jacket for $10!?? Thanks Marshalls! You rock!! And thanks especially to she who rang me up!

Ask-o-logy interruption: Save $50 off a $250 bed?

I've been writing and writing these reports, and we're almost done!! Two more to go.

But I miss the other reports. The ones where I gallivant around town, ask away, and then tell you, gentle reader, what I've been up to!

So I thought I'd interject such a story, because it's a good one. Because it confirms some of what I've discovered this year. And also totally surprised me. Plus, I need a break from all those graphs...

***

For months, I've been on the lookout for a bed. Like a proper grad student, I had put the boxspring and mattress directly on the floor. But I could deny those secret yearnings for a headboard, and, dare I hope, a footboard?


My dream bed is either an antique or something on Horchow.com -- classical lines, but sufficiently indulgent -- but that site is out of the question. Some of those beds cost more than I earn in a month.

Instead, I've been scouring the internet. I've seen a few possibilities here and there, but nothing that screamed "buy me!" at a reasonable price. Until this week. The ad on Craigslist was simple:

Hand carved, queen sized sleigh bed. $250 O.B.O.

It was more than I wanted -- my original aim was under $100 -- but after almost a year of looking, Mr. A and I agreed to raise our budget to $200. The photos were gorgeous. Mr. A concurred: this was our new bed!! There was no phone number, so I wrote an email:

Hi,

I am interested in this bed. Where are you located? And what is the
story behind it? (i.e. where did you buy it, how old is it, if you
know.)

Thanks!

La Roxy

With no answer for a few hours, I got scared. What if ALL OF SAN DIEGO wants that bed? I sent this follow up. Not the best move, I admit:

Hello,

I wrote a short while ago, asking about your bed.

But bottom line, I would like to buy it! From the pictures, it looks exactly like what I am looking for. My only question is how I'd disassemble it -- do the head/foot boards come off of the frame?

Where are you located?

I could come by today, or tomorrow anytime but 12 to 3.

Best way to get in touch is by phone. My cell is XXX-XXX-XXXX.

Thanks again,

La Roxy

The next day, a guy wrote back and called, saying I was the first person to reply, and the bed was mine. He explained it was made in Indonesia and had belonged to a friend of his who upgraded. All good.

Here's where the story gets interesting.


I stopped by the ATM to extract $250, showed up at our meeting point, met the seller, and concluded the bed was as gorgeous live as in the pics.

"As for the price," I started.

(Between you and me, I was prepared to pay $250, because 1) It's a long term investment, not something I want to compromise on excessively in terms of quality and aesthetics 2) It was wood, with rock solid construction and 3) I was tired of looking. This was it.

But I was still going to try, fleetingly, to get the price down a little. Like 10 percent.)

"Yeah, I'm willing to deal," the guy cut me off, even before I could ask.

Excellent! Since he so openly said he'd like to deal, I decided to aim lower.

"Ok, great! What do you think of $200?"

"Perfect. That's exactly what I was shooting for."

Perfect, indeed!

I paid him, we loaded af few slabs into my car, and then I discovered there was no way the headboard would fit.

We looked at it, loosely measured it. I explained I've moved headboards before -- but this was truly massive. He got a phone call from a sorta girlfriend type to make dinner plans, so I thanked him and said I'd figure it out from there.

Instead, he stayed. And found a way to dangle the footboard out of my trunk. And then strapped the headboard to his car. And followed me to my house. And then unloaded it in my living room.

The whole time, I was telling him: You don't need to do this. You are being too kind. I will rent a truck, or find someone with a bigger car. My boyfriend and I can do this lifting. Your end of the deal was to sell me the bed. Even loading part onto my car was enough.

And he replied: I want to finish what I started. I have bungee cords, I have a car, I have time, so why not just do the job right?

He had nothing to gain. (And, contrary to what you might think, we weren't flirting -- at all. I would have felt disloyal to be even a little flirtatious while buying a bed for Mr. A and me. I'm not that sleazy, or desperate for a discount, come on. And he was clearly on his way to meet a date.)

Before he left, I gave him a bottle of wine as a thank you gesture -- at least that, he accepted.

Yes, I got a nice discount. But this story is not just about asking and getting. It's about someone who gave without being asked. Someone who was thorough and generous. Someone who makes me think about how I can be a kinder, more generous person, too. Someone whose story I was eager to tell.

Gained: Met an exceptional person. (And saved $50.) Thank you, David!

Tomorrow: Back to Ask-o-logy!