Can we accept I'm old and haggard and call it a night?

January 9. Day 193.

Moving day! We started with everything but furniture -- books, kitchen stuff, towels -- which after a day of transports, ended up being merely a drop in the bucket.

It was also the day two huge unrelated work deadlines coincided, and the first day with my cousin, dubbed La Divina for reasons previously mentioned. She arrived from Milan, via New York and Las Vegas, in a grand tour of the United States, courtesy of a buyout.

Get this: In Italy, after three years, she had upwards of 5 weeks of vacation a year. Her buyout was for a year and a half at full pay. And she didn't even have to ask for such great terms. They're standard!!! Ahh, Europe.

In any case, from when I woke up at 6 a.m. until I 1 a.m., when I was wrapping up a late night supper, I think I sat down for a total of an hour. Around midnight, La Divina, Mr. A and I had made our way downtown, to show her around and get a bite. We stopped at Fudruckers, the only place open where we were parked. Next, we'd head a few blocks south, to Cafe Sevilla, for salsa dancing.

And then I uttered my feeble request:

"I just don't know if I can do it. Tomorrow we have to move all the furniture, and I only slept for 2 hours... My eyes are closing... I can barely walk anymroe, can we just call it a night? Go to Cafe Sevilla another time?"

No objections on either side.

Gained: Sleeeeeeeep.

Waive your uncompetitive check fee?

January 8. Day 192.

Greetings from Hawaii!! It's January 11 as I write -- three days after the fact. These past three days have been... insane. More on that soon. I'll just keep this post short, so we can get to the juicy stuff.

January 9 was moving day, so to pay the first month's rent, I needed a cashier's check. I went to Bank of America, where Mr. A and I opened a joint account when I moved to town, originally to pay for our fun and take advantage of some great promotions (I think we earned about $200 just by opening two accounts and then combining them!). Now we'll use that account for rent as well.

It turns out they have a $6 fee for such checks.

I asked the teller to waive it.

She said no.

I explained that with two banks next door, including one where I'm a customer and checks are free, perhaps it would be smart for them to revise their policy. I'm just sayin'.

Gained: Nothing.

Onward...

Can I sample your chicken flavored wine?

January 7. Day 191.

Mr. A and I headed to Mr. A's -- a venerable restaurant in San Diego with a really good bar. It's old school. Usually frequented by couples in their twenties celebrating a birthday or proposal and couples in their nineties celebrating they're still alive.

We go for the cocktails and truly magnificent rooftop sunsets.

It was too cold for the terrace, so we sat at the bar. While chatting about -- What were we chatting about? Oh yes, the couples in their nineties and couples in their twenties sitting nearby -- we overheard the bartender describing a wine to one of the waiters.

"Creme brulee, pineapple," he was saying. My ears perked up. A chardonnay that "tastes" like a yummy dessert? Sounds scandalous. Scandalously good, that is.

"Creme brulee?" I asked him when he turned our way.

"Yes. That's what the bottle says."

"Could I could try it?"

This wasn't a strange or risky thing to ask for, granted. It's an excellent bar, as I said, and tastings are part of the schtick. But I promise that were it not for this project, I would have kept my mouth closed and decided I don't need to know that much.

"Of course."

He poured half a glass, and I smelled it first.

"Chicken," I pronounced.

"Really? Chicken?"

"That's what I'm getting. Chicken soup."

Feeling less curious now, I took a swig. Let it sit in my mouth for a few seconds, like they teach you you're supposed to do. Once I swallowed, that familiar flavor of caramelized butter and sugar actually did creep out, eventually. The bartender and Mr. A were waiting for a reaction.

"Wow. There it is. I'm getting it. Twenty -- no, 18 seconds later."

"Now you feel it. Exactly 18 seconds later? That's tongue in cheek, right?" the bartender asked.

"No, I really do feel it now. That's so strange."

I took another sip. That time the sweet flavor surfaced immediately and, fortunately, overpowered the chicken. Weird.

Gained: $7 -- estimate for half a glass of wine in a ritzy restaurant. If you're still interested after this review, the wine was Berenger's Private Reserve Chardonnay, 2007.

How all those parking fines finally paid off.

January 6. Day 190.

There are few domains in which I proclaim expertise. Grad school has only stressed how little I know -- and how much I need to stress out. The school of life has brought no greater mastery of any line of thought.

But I do profess to know my Three P's: procrastination, parking tickets, and praspberries.

Let's leave the first and third for later, shall we, and zoom in on number two.

While living in Boston for six years, I amassed a fanciful collection of parking tickets, most of which I saved and put in a file labeled "Fuck you too." These include your routine expired meters, street sweeping, snow emergency, permit only, feeding the meter, and the more exotic specimens: valet parking only, handicapped ramp (only by 2 inches!!), reparking on the same block after a meter expired, and my personal favorite -- parking facing the wrong direction.

Believe me, it was no small task to collect such a variety of offenses.

And so, in hopes of saving you the hundreds or perhaps thousand dollars in fines I paid, I encourage you to apply these methods as needed. Consider them as part of the revolt against a system that forces drivers into coffer-filling obedience.

We will not be jerks and double park or block someone's driveway. But nor will we tolerate this subjugation another day, hour or minute!! Go forth and park in peace, my brothers and sisters!

0. If you'll be parking somewhere frequently, get to know the area's parking vibe. Some streets are doomed, others seem scary (i.e. heavily trafficked) but rarely encounter a meter maid. On some, no one comes by before noon despite the signs. Others, 3 a.m. checks are routine.

1. Begging and/or kissing up: do it. I have gotten out of lots of tickets on the nick of time by running up to the meter maid with a smile. You don't need to flirt or have long hair and stilettos to pull this off. Just... enough desperation.

2. Leave a note. For a while, I had a paper in the back seat that read, in all caps sharpie, "PLEASE HAVE MERCY! BE BACK SOON!!" It was ready to go for quick meter stops if I was out of quarters and in "Private Parking/Tow Zone" areas. I used it unobtrusively -- in an empty residential lot during business hours, or an empty bank lot on a weeknight, and never for too long.

3. If you do get a fine, check the ticket meticulously. If a number is recorded incorrectly or something is unreadable or missing, the court should declare it invalid.

4. Appeal, appeal, appeal. I got to be a familiar face at Boston city hall. Why not? The ticket cost more than what I earn in an hour, and there are plenty of lunch spots nearby to celebrate.

5. If you get more than one ticket at once, you never simply PAY. Bring two at a time and negotiate. I think I saved $100 or $200 bucks that way, in pre-asker askings. BUT: Don't bring more than two tickets, since the clerk can probably only let you off the hook for one without seeming like a softie.

6. And for the record, since records are so important, act deferential and contrite, even if you and the clerk both know it's a bunch of bullshit to be charged $40 for being a minute late. At least, that seems to work for me.

Today I was in downtown San Diego for a meeting with someone, and there was no way I'd be able to come out and feed the meter. So I resorted to Methods 1 and 2, with a note secured behind a windshield wiper.

"Dear Parking Agent,

If possible...
Please have mercy!
My meeting is done at 1 and I will move the car immediately!!

Have a great day,

apologies,

La Roxy
(civic driver)"

The meter had expired for an hour and 15 minutes, and no ticket! No clue if it was the note or luck, but given my usual misfortune, I want to hope it was the note...

Gained: a $40 reprieve, after paying many multiples of that.

Who sets the pay rate?

January 5. Day 189.

As you know, I occasionally consult in the general area of information systems for a mix of companies. I won't go into more details about the industry or my background outside grad school, since once I start looking for full-time work, I don't want employers to find out I have this blog -- it could hurt my chances, or they could lowball me preemptively.

I recently accepted a new type of assignment for a new company. The company is huge and powerful, only they weren't paying as much as I'd hoped. I was curious: Is this the norm? Or am I about to become a woman-who-didn't-ask?

So, I wrote a note to an industry forum.

I'm doing a project for Acme company. It's my first contract with them. The HR manager told me "We don't pay much the first time -- $400. Then it changes." I'm wondering, does this seem right for [I briefly describe the project here -- hours worked and category]? Is it negotiable? Will it be negotiable for my next contract? They said they might need a few more ancillary materials, besides the main unit I'm delivering. How much can I expect or ask for the entire package? Thank you for any insights!

I got two answers:

In most cases, the firm sets the rate. Unless you're a big name, the rate you're being quoted seems fair. It wouldn't hurt to ask them what the hourly or per-project rate would be for future contracts, assuming this one meets their standards.

Another replied:

I doubt it would be negotiable at this time. But that is low. you need to ask about
the extra materials, but at that low rate, I would not expect much.

Gained: Pay rate info. Conclusion: it's fair, if skimpy!

Epiphany about the status quo and the Asus Eee(w)

January 4. Day 188.

I've been thinking about what I wrote Friday: "PLEASE, asking gods, send some big transaction my way."

On second thought, that's the wrong approach. I can't wait around for something huge to come my way. That's not what this project is about. Asking is proactive. You make the opportunity. So, I need to create the big opportunities, not just the small ones.

If I just waited, I'd never get anywhere.

Yesterday, I made a list of things I want, things I need, and areas I could improve in my life by possibly asking. Mostly, financial. It's a good exercise in itself, but I also think I'm hitting on something new. An initial "aha moment" was that asking can bring better results when I aim to obtain something more, better, new.

My latest realization is that asking can improve the status quo -- even when I'm not out to get/buy/learn something more. Optimizing the status quo can be equally valuable, if not more so. But it requires careful planning, i.e. conceiving of what to ask for on a broader scale than individual transactions.

For example: I spend about $66/month on coffee (instead of renting an office or working from home, which are both unreasonable, I head out and order a latte.) What about thinking outside the box, and approaching my favorite cafe or two, offering to buy my drinks in bulk, up front, for a few hundred bucks, and saving a lot in the long run?

Or: I'll be heading back to Boston soon. Rather than futilely haggle with an airline (tried and failed), what if I went to a more logical source for help? My department grants $500 per year to every student for conference travel, as well as $500 in the final year for job interview travel. So, a student could feasibly use $4000 -- if she started in 2002 and graduated this year (like moi!). I've used $0. Wouldn't it be reasonable to request they finance my next trip to campus?

Or: I've heard of stores making crazy discounts these days, but haven't had much success. Instead of bargaining down one ring, one sweater, why not plan ahead? Are there presents I'll need? Clothes I must replace? Appliances or any big ticket purchases for the new house? Any group I'd like to make a donation toward? This wouldn't be about extra, fun, or impromptu purchases, but about the things I know I'll be needing. Look into the future, lump them together. And then, deal with a higher authority than a salesperson. Perhaps call or email someone from the corporate side of things, say I have $XXX to spend, and I'm willing to help you unload your 2008 inventory.

Or: If I really want to practice big league negotiations, but don't have the capital, why not do it for someone else? Post on Craigslist, or hang out by a car lot. Volunteer to help people bring their prices down, posing as a friend, sister, whatever. Do it for free (to start! ha!), with the agreement they can "fire" me or I can leave any time -- no commitment. Would be a great learning experience.

A few ideas to chew on...

This evening I ended up at a cafe where a man at the next table was using an Asus Eee. I've been toying with the idea of buying a netbook for about half a year, and I've never seen the Eee in person. The reviews make it seem great -- light, powerful, functional -- but would that keyboard be infuriatingly small?

The lad looked busy, so I very gently interrupted him.

"Hi, excuse me."

"Hi."

"Can I ask you a question? What kind of computer is that?"

"It's an Asus Eee."

"Am I interrupting?"

"No, it's okay." (He was browsing the internet.)

"Do you like it?"

"I love it. I've had it for a few months, and it's great."

"And the keyboard, it's not too small?"

"No, it's nice."

You don't say... "May I?"

He slid it askerward, and I picked it up to see the weight, then typed a sample text into an empty document:

"Hello. This keyboard it so small. But it's nice!"

The last three words were unabashed "sorry I wasted your time for the test drive, but your computer sucks" sugarcoating. Also, it was heavier than I expected given the tiny size.

Eee(w)!

Gained: Popped a myth. On to more optimized askings...

Surrogate Vacationer for Hire!

January 3. Day 187.

On a scale of 1 to 10 (where 1 is being asked for your life savings and forking them over so your greatest nemesis can buy a bejeweled Vaseline container, and 10 is asking for whatever you most want in the universe and miraculously getting it), today was a 5.

I hardly gave, hardly got. Barely, barely asked. Ended up right down the middle. Some days are just like that.

I did get something without asking -- free jazz club access, since neither Mr. A nor I had cash for the cover charge. The bouncer let us through, and I never had to coax or cajole. So that doesn't count.

But before the show, I asked the hostess at a busy restaurant if we could wait inside -- where there was very little room and it was probably inconvenient for her -- instead of outside, while she got our table ready. Because it was cold!

"Watch, that's going to be what I asked for today. A total non-asking," I joked with Mr. A. "Nah, no worries, I'll come up with something better after dinner..."

And yet, there's nothing else little miss cocky requested, all day. Aimed low and got it.

***

I did, however, do a bit of dreaming today. In preparation for my upcoming job hunt, I drafted this advertisement:

Surrogate Vacationer for Hire

Are you overwhelmed with work? So exhausted you really need a vacation, but just can’t get away? Worried your holiday leave or sabbatical will expire soon?

Let me help!

As a certified Surrogate Vacationer, I do the traveling for you. My services include trip planning, execution and follow up. Here are a few popular packages, or contact me to customize your own!

* Solo traveler – There's nothing like taking the time to indulge yourself. I will create an entertaining video of myself doing your favorite activities, keep a daily travel journal with at least one epiphany, send witty postcards to friends and family, and buy souvenirs according to your specifications. Casual drunken encounters with stunning strangers included at no additional cost.

* Family traveler – Is your daughter’s polo tournament across the globe? Does the annual trip with the kiddies to Euro Disney clash with that boardmeeting? This package lets you be in two places at once! Unlimited retouched photographs put your face right where the action was. Who will know the difference in 20 years?

* Voluntourist – Improve your karma from the comforts of home! I will feed orphans, administer flu shots or teach computer skills at the troubled destination of your choice. Always in your name, of course!

* "Wouldn’t Miss It" – Funeral? Boss’s son’s graduation? Annoying cousin’s wedding? If you “wouldn’t miss it” – but can’t make it – don’t sweat it! I will hand write your card, bring a thoughtful gift and hostess present (when applicable), and make a toast for you.

* Wanderlust/Gap year - Not sure what you want, but certain you want to get away? Hoping to find yourself? Allow me! I will rove the globe, taking root for up to six weeks in various enchanting locales, and then pick up and move again. Along the way, I'll take notes and save my receipts, so you can pitch your memoir or movie script to an agent.

* Class and club reunions are my specialty!

Satisfaction is guaranteed. Get in touch now, as spots are going fast. Mention this ad for a special promotional rate.

Feel free to spread the word, gentle reader, to any overworked jet-setters you may know.

xo,
La Roxy